Thursday, May 31, 2007

25 Going On 80

My aging began last night. I prepared for the next day and had set my alarm to wake up early so I could go running. I even told my friend that I had to sign off the internet so I could get my 40-winks in. I went to bed feeling healthy and excited that I had motivated myself to turn in so early.

At some ungodly hour I woke up and felt a cramp in my foot. I changed my sleeping position and went back to dreamland. When I woke up at my scheduled time to go running my little cramp had turned into intense pain. I knew a) I would not be running b) I needed find a podiatrist to see me before the closing bell. I found one to see me in the afternoon so I limped to work. Work sucked because not only was I in pain but now all my co-workers wanted the skinny on what happened. "Rhino stepped on me" was popular substitute for "I'm not just gritting my teeth in pain so take a hint and buzz off." Advice: offer to get a hurt person a cup of water or find a way to help before you get a good story. It is more likely to come off like you care.

I hobbled into the doctor's office (you know it is bad when an elderly man offers you his walker. I promise I did not make that up), flirted with the 40+ year old nurses, made jokes with the doctor, and found out I have Gout. Mmm fun. For some reason reminds me of tiling. Got a prescription for arthritis medicine, left the doctor, blamed my parents for bad genetics and the worlds problems, picked up lunch. When I got home I found that I could use my golf putter as a cane. Sat around with my feet propped up trying to decide if I was too hot or too cold.

Eventually I mustered up the strength to run to the drug store using my new found putter-cane to walk around. I found it would only take 10-minutes to get my order filled so how did I kill the time? Blood pressure machine. Got my meds and complained about prescription drug costs. I somehow eased my way into my car and leaned over the steering wheel to take pressure off my foot.

When I got home I reflected on how I had aged. Pain, flirting with 40-year olds to make me feel young, taking arthritis medicine, used a cane, checked my blood pressure while waiting for a prescription, and then leaned over the steering wheel while driving. So while I am 25 I had the behaviors, mannerisms, and aches of an 80 year old and the maturity of a ten year old. I think the only thing I did not do was make a grilled cheese sandwich and yell at the raucous youth. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

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