Copying Christians - Firing Off About Christian Chirp

This my first post in several months because I have been really busy and unfortunately it is going to be a rant. If you have been reading this blog for some time, you have either inferred or know that I am a Christian who holds true to a fairly conservative theological perspective. In other words, my faith and devotion to Christ would be hard to be called into question. Please take that into context when I fire off about this absurd Christian practice.

I am an avid user of Twitter, a social networking platform called micro-blogging. Perhaps I could be accused of using it too much. The basic ebb and flow to it is that you write your thoughts down in 140 characters or less called "Tweets." Other people using the network can choose to follow you (key word "choose") and thus be updated each time you share your thought with cyberspace. By now, so many people are sharing their thoughts on such a diverse amount of topics that there is no feasible way to follow everyone. Heck, I can't even keep up with everyone in Charlotte.

Twitter has been plugging away for a few years but has only gotten serious consideration from the masses in the last year or two. Just like MySpace, FaceBook and even Gmail, it will go through its occasional bout of spam but they do work to control it.

So now for the rant. I recently caught wind of a "Christian Social Networking site" called Christian Chirp. Just think, tweet-chirp, chirp-tweet. This actually infuriates me as a Christian. Certain individuals, in this case James Paris, think that Christianity should be its own subculture (more examples towards the end). So in all his brilliance, Mr. Paris copied the idea AND format of Twitter (even the mascot is a bird just like Twitter's and the color scheme is the same) and got a couple thousand Christians to start using it as a "Christian alternative to Twitter." I am not going to sit here and judge each person using Christian Chirp but I will stereotype them based on my experience with the Christian subculture. Most of them probably do not read their Bible in any sort of context instead opting only for key verses they want to have pertain to their lives, believe everything written in the Old Testament about Israel was also written about their own lives, believe that all Christians should be Republican, and believe that their belief system is a popularity contest; the more people who believe the same thing, the more right they are.

Here are the things that really aggravate me about this. We, as Christians, were never called to be separate from non-Christians. Hear that? No subculture! We are called to be a part of the world but not of the world. This means live among and participate in life with non-believers but just behave in a way that is not contradictory to God's commands like the world often does. Have a beer but don't get drunk, get mad but not un-righteously or viciously, oppose abortion but still have love for those who have already made that choice, work in a secular job but do so with honest practice, humility and with good work ethic.

Second, if you are going to make a subculture and use our Savior as your backing, at least be innovative about it. Again, chirp-tweet? A Bread Crumb and Fish shirts that are patterned off of Abercrombie and Fitch, or Add Jesus instead of Adidas, oh my I could go on all day with the ridiculousness of it all. Christians seem to like to take something popular, copy it, put their Christian spin on it, and make it look cheesier or lamer than the original. However, Christians who use their faith as a popularity contest eat this garbage up.

My other problem, with Christian Chirp in particular is, what is so un-Christian about Twitter that a spin-off had to be branded? You choose who you want to follow. If someone that is a little seedy is following you on Twitter, you can block them. Or better yet, make your tweets represent the Gospel and perhaps serve as a witness in love as they read your written thoughts.
I will be the first to admit that as much as I love Jesus and am devoted to serving Him, I am not always his best witness. But if I let that push me into separating myself from the rest of the world to avoid having them be able to see my grime, no one would ever see the good about Christ through me either. I firmly believe that as I walk with God, he will use my blunders for His good to reach someone else. Likewise, He will pull examples from the world and teach me my follies and strengths so I can grow in deeper relationship with Him.

Through this, I am not saying that there is no value to Christian products, but if the secular world has done something well and it is not in direct opposition to God, use it and witness through it instead of simply repackaging it with a Christian label.

Editors note: Shameless plug, if you really liked this post or it pissed you off check out my past post, Who Cares if We Are a Christian Nation

Higher Expectations

Pushing through the thicket,
Brambles of desire seek
to catch the cloak.
Flee like Joseph,
Proud Stag not weak
As pressures work to choke.
Press forward into hope,
Perfection seems bleak
In search of missing yoke.
No respite in streams,
Where too easily pulled from the creek
Is water of intentions broke.
Searching in ceaseless vain,
Wanting to find and speak
To the one of whom God spoke.

Support for Obama Dwindling

What seems like ages ago, and yet not long enough ago, I wrote a blog declaring my support for Obama. As a fiscally and socially conservative (not to be confused with being 100% Republican), I thought it best to support the President as a figurehead instead of trying to find fault in everything he did like so many liberals tried to do with Bush. As much as I knew I would disagree with Obama, I said I would fairly criticize him but not moan just for the sake of it.
Unfortunately I am not sure I can lend my support much longer. I now see Obama as very dangerous for the American people on several different levels. To begin with, Obama has been circling the globe apologizing to our enemies. Sure, there are some wrongs that need to be righted. Our hands are not clean. But my gosh, he is coming just shy of saying that all past and any future attacks against our military or citizens would be perfectly justified. As a world power, we cannot seem like a paper tiger. It emboldens enemies to carry out their irrational murders.
Obama has also been firing off his mouth in areas he should not be working in. The arrest of his Cambridge friend has turned into a huge debacle. Obama pretty much race baited the nation before getting facts. Instead of apologizing to those he wronged, he tried to justify his actions. I am sure more will come out about this story but there are some things a President should just be silent on instead of acting like a child a verbally lashing out irrationally.
However the biggest point has to be with his sheer failure at commonsense in spending. After bilking the country with the wasteful stimulus package which, every report I have seen, has failed miserably and has not benefited the citizens it promised, he is ready to move onto Cap and Trade and make his mark with a healthcare plan that is flat out dangerous. While Congress will be the one drafting the actual plans, Obama has been putting increasing pressure in a public forum to have Congress rush these bills through. So, like the stimulus bill, they will go unread meaning our deceptive politicians can put whatever the heck they want in it. Consider it a blank check that results in the government owning a bigger chunk of your life and your money.
As citizens, we just cannot afford these things. The plans call to only tax the rich, but they will soon run out and the effects will filter down.
I still have to support Obama as our President. I know he has a hard job. But as a rational and dedicated leader to our nation, I am finding him down right despicable. I am not so sure how much longer I can support him as President because at every turn, he is trying to turn America into something our founders were adamantly opposed to. At that point he becomes an elected tyrant. I will not support a tyrant and like our founding fathers will pledge to America over our ruler.

Ahhh High School

After asking for some tips on what to write about, my old friend Lauren (Bowen) Train suggested I write about some memories from high school. Why high school? Well, for her that was the period she knew me best in and also my ten-year reunion is next year. Meaning I have approximately a year to win the lottery, lose 35 pounds, and start dating a supermodel (those who know actually happen to know a single supermodel, I would be very appreciative if you can make that one a reality).
I have decided to just post her questions as she asked them (in bold) and answer them. This will give you a little more insight into what I was like during my more formative years.

1. What was your fondest high school memory?
Do fond high school memories actually exist? Towards the end I actually had a lot more fun. I think my favorite memories were when I was heavily involved in making a few of our student produced movies. We made two of them and they actually did not turn out too bad. One was good enough to be a feature presentation at a nearby School of Arts. I really enjoyed all of the hype that was attributed to our second movie including an official screening and all of the work that went into it.

2. What was your most embarrassing high school moment?
I have chosen to block that out. I think the closest thing I can think of was my homecoming date my senior year. I took this girl who had just moved to town earlier in the year and didn't know any better. I mean...know anyone. We had a pretty decent time but at the actual dance, she kept disappearing to the ladies room. Over the course of the year we remained loose friends. though she never explained why she kept disappearing. When prom came around I thought about taking her again since everyone else had "paired off" already. It was at that time I found out she was a lesbian. Seems everyone but me knew that bit of information.

3. Who was your favorite high school teacher and what did you liked about him/her? (my money is on Mr. Lloyd here)
Dead on. No doubt it was Mr Lloyd. Mr Lloyd cared more about his students than any teacher I have ever known. He was a passionate English teacher and invested in the education of every single student. He would have students over to watch movies and sometimes just hang out (before any of you go anywhere with that, Mr. Lloyd did not have nefarious bone in his body). He had a sharp wit and was not afraid to unleash it on his students. He was so popular with us that we made him the villain in our movie "The Jade Monkey" just to have him in it. He would spend time after class or on the weekends shooting the movie with us. He also gave me the nickname "Polar Bear" because when I slept in his class he said I looked like a polar bear lounging at the zoo.

4. If you could have nominated yourself for one senior superlative, what would it have been and why?
I think "Nicest." I tried really hard to be nice to everyone I met. I tried to go above and beyond to accommodate others even when it was an imposition to me. Unfortunately it led to me getting trampled on and taken advantage of a bunch. In high school, nice guys do not finish first.

5. Who of your high school friends are you still in touch with (and facebook stalking does not include being in touch with).
Mike Comer was pretty good friend in high school. He has become a great friend since. He now lives in Charlotte and is in my Bible study. I very loosely have stayed in touch with Brain Wages, Lauren (Bowen) Train and Mosi Smith. That is not a great track record. My parents moved 3 years ago so I no longer return to Atlanta, hence why I have lost touch with most of them. There are a few I talk to from time to time.

6. What is one high school experience that was so exciting you would love to relive?
I think my conversion to Christianity and the months following it. I felt so alive (still do) and passionate. Other than that, I had such fun writing, acting in, filming, and editing our movies that I would do that again in a heart beat. I still look for opportunities to do stuff with film these days.

7. What is one high school moment you wish you could take back?
Can I opt for the whole thing? There are so many things I would do differently if I could go back. I was so unsure of who I was and ended up missing out on a lot of potential. It is not so much what I would take back as it is what I would do different. I do wish I hadn't been misdiagnosed with Spinal Meningitis. That wrecked a few days of summer as I was put in isolation at the hospital and had a spinal tap. Turned out to be strep throat.

8. What was the wildest thing you did under the age of 18?
For the most part I was straight edged kid that generally stayed out of trouble. There were a bunch of "wild" adventurous things I did as a Boy Scout. I still have few scars to show it. Some of the cooler things I did were scuba diving with sharks and I once spent a night in the mountains of Virginia with with nothing but a pocket knife and had to build my own shelter for the night.

Well I hope you have enjoyed this look into my past. Feel free to ask anymore questions or follow-ups. Also if you have any other ideas for me to write about, let me know. They don't all have to be about me.

What to write about?

Today I am just restless. I have typed and deleted my thoughts about six or seven times already. I want to write. I want to get my thoughts out but for some reason I just can't. I have so many things I want to write about but find most of them reveal more than I want to or are too self-involving. But here is the thing...I have to get my creative juices flowing somehow or I feel I will explode or repress everything. So what I would like is crowd participation.
What should I write about? Any topic. No matter how serious or ridiculous it may be. It can be news related, a question for me or about me, a funny or interesting topic, etc. I will take anything. Basically, I am trying to unwedge this writer's block.
Will you help?

The Path of Experience

I ventured on a troubled path
And pushed the brush aside.
Through the woods and through the muck
To the places light would hide.

Finally I reached the road of ease
A smile crept across my face.
Proud of my difficult walk,
I had finally found some space.

Later I went back to the path I had forged.
But the brush returned to block the way.
I attempted to clear it out again,
And make it back to view the day.

Over and over I took the vicious stroll.
The twigs and vines would always snare.
Each time I swathed a path
To bring finality to despair.

I wondered why the track always had debris.
Forever leaving my soul drained.
When I cried out for an answer
God quietly explained:

The reason the trail was so often blocked
And I had to fight the gray
Was to make me an experienced guide.
To show others the way.

Maggiano’s and Chima Raffle to Support Habitat

Yesterday I informed people that I currently have in my possession a $25 gift certificate to Maggiano’s which was thoughtfully given to me by one of my friends. She gave me the gift certificate in order to hold a raffle to raise money for my mission trip this summer. @CLTdining on Twitter learned of my contest and very graciously decided to chip in and up the ante. @CLTdining has donated a $50 gift certificate to the new Brazilian restaurant Chima! So now there will be two winners!

I tell you this because one of these gift certificate can be yours for the low price of $2. You read that right, $2.00! Think of what you can do with a $50 or $25 gift certificate to a great restaurant. Impress your friends, your boss, your spouse, that girl you like…wait, I wouldn’t try to impress the girl you like with a gift certificate. Save that for when your Facebook status is changed to “In a Relationship.”

So here is how you can win this $50 Brazilian culinary explosion or the $25 payment for a little slice of Italian heaven:

1. Visit my support letter here by May 10, 2009. (http://30thingsby30.wordpress.com/habitat-support/)

2. At the bottom of the letter there is a “Donate” button for Pay Pal.

3. Donate as much as you would like in increments of $2. Each $2 increment is considered one raffle ticket. (ex. $10 gets you 5 raffle tickets).

4. Important: Email me at kevintlock@hotmail.com to personally let me know you have entered and how many raffle tickets you bought (I will receive a confirmation email from Pay Pal too). Because other people are donating through this site as well, I want to make sure I know who is entering the contest. It also gives me a sure fire way to contact you if you are the winner.

5. The winner will be announced on this site on May 11, 2009 and they will be contacted by email (provided they gave it to me).

If you are on Twitter, help me get the word out with: “Win a $50 gift card to Chima or a $25 gift card to @Maggianos and help @UTKevDawg repair homes and restore lives. http://ow.ly/4nBd “

Who Cares if We are Christian Nation?

A few days ago Newsweek seemingly shocked a lot of Christians with this article declaring we were getting closer to the end of a Christian America. They have since backed off that statement a little with subsequent articles here and here. Now, albeit to the author Jon Meacham, who penned the original and one of the follow-up stories clarifying the first, he does a very good job of clarifying a distinction of Christianity in America and a Christian America and worked off of verifiable data to make his point. This is not a post to attack or argue against him. In fact I could I say I have long already held this decline in assumption.

However, I want to speak to those who became up in arms or worried about the content of the article. As you can read in other posts and my profile, I am a faith believing Christian and agree with many things the "Christian Right" holds of value with the addition of a lot of social justice issues. So I will start my conversation with a question. Who gives a rip in the world if America is seen as a Christian Nation? Add to that: Who cares if Christianity is the most popular mind set or faith?

I for one did not get into Christianity because it was the most popular things to do. I got into because when I began asking questions at the age of 17, it was the only faith that had answers for evil in the world, restoration for my wicked acts and atonement for sin, an explanation for death, and the concept of Grace (which upon initial exposure made my heart respond in full). From the very beginning I was never told it would be easy, popular, or the rule of the land. My own parents made my first year as a Christian tough by asking me to live a suddenly magical higher standard and then calling me a hypocrite when I failed (the no longer do this and respect my choice of faith).

In 1966, Time Magazine asked "Is God Dead?" and went on to assume faith was on the decline and there was no need for God. Since that time millions around the world including myself have become Christians. What I am trying to get at is, don't rely on a writer or another human being to project your own personal faith or God's rule. Jesus told His followers the path would be narrow and would not be easy due to persecution. Jesus' intent was never to use faith to legislate either. He never told the Romans how to conduct their business. Who did he get mad at? Those who used the name of God to conduct shady practices. Who did Paul warn and lash out at? It was not the government. It was not even Hebrews who chose not to follow Jesus. It was those who followed Christ. Everything you see Paul and others write about was directed at Christian believers and how to conduct their lives as individuals and as a community under oppressive rule. Paul knew that you could not tell someone who did not follow God how God was going to make them live their lives.

But here, there can be found the crux and the challenge. Paul told us to witness to non-believers so that they may know God and do His will so they may be spared from eternal separation, worldly desperation, and sinful exhibition. So, if the level of Christianity is declining in America, it is your fault and it is my fault. Why? How? Because I believe that any person that exposed to the Truth, Love, and Grace of Christ cannot ignore it and that is where lives and opinions are changed. So if that is not evident, it is because we are not doing enough to present it as such. Not through legislation or forced religion. Does that mean we give up on issues like abortion? No. Of course not. Lives are at stake there. But do not ignore the mother and their living life. Do not ignore the gay man who desires to be with their partner. Sure they have bought into what we know to be a deception. But my oh my, if we do not love them as Christ loved us, then they will NEVER see Christ and never turn away from the lies of the world. My friends, concern yourselves not with the numbers in mass that claim to be Christians, concern yourselves with your neighbor, co-worker and family members. Show them Christ as He displayed himself in love and compassion and concern for the lost. Leave the judgment for Him.
As for being a Christian Nation. One day God will come back to claim ALL nations. It may or may not be in our life time but there is blessed assurance that He is still in control.

Will This Become a Habit(at)?

I have been presented with an opportunity to complete number 29 on my list and work with Habitat for Humanity in rebuilding homes. Shortly after completing and publishing my list, one of the guys in my Bible study informed me that every summer he travels down to the Bahamas to repair hurricane damaged homes on the island of Eleuthera. This year he decided to invite a larger group to join him to help out Bahamas Methodist Habitat Center.

After a little consideration but a lot of praying, I have decided step out in faith and join my friend on this trip. I will be down there from July 19 to July 25, 2009. However, I cannot do this alone. I have to raise $1000 in order to pay for my flight, lodging, food and the construction supplies necessary to assist. One of the reasons I had to pray a lot about this trip is that I have never done a missions trip before. The largest reason I have not, is because I hate asking other people for money. I have never even liked asking my own parents for financial help. They had to impose their grace on me in order to pay off my credit card.

But as I said, I am stepping out in faith, knowing that God will bring about people who will provide for this trip. If you have a few moments, please check out my posted my support letter (with a few internet modifications). You will be able to read more details about the trip. At the end of the post, if you feel inclined, I have provided a few ways for to help support my trip. You can take it as a tax deduction and I will provide you with updates leading up to the trip and post trip (I am not sure the internet situation down there to provide updates on the trip as they just got air conditioning last year).

Thank you for reading and your support prayerfully and/or financially.

Monday Morning Chuckle

Today I was emptying out my email folder (a tedious task) and ran across this email from my mother in 2004 (yeah I know, I am waaaay behind). She sent the original list and, having a terrible time with my computer during this period, sent the cynical italicized responses. I think it is good for a Monday morning chuckle.

If Only Life Could Be Like A Computer...

If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!

Unless you have my computer in which case the computer has frozen everything leaving me stuck in the same awful situation in life until somebody had the mercy to unplug me.

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.

My computer seems to run forever with out finding the file, which would mean that my poor little legs would just fall off until my computer froze resulting in my impending heart attack.

Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

Since there is no "any key" on my keyboard, my life would never get back on track and I would end up a piece of crap on the side walk like my computer is about to become if it doesn't start working

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

Ok you got me I can't think of anything witty for this one...more sound is very good!!

To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

In my case I would be removing the things I don't want, yet they seem to still leave traces of themselves eating up hard drive space. And forget adding anything! That is how my hard drive got screwed up in the first place

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

So I can become Black or glow white? What kind of benefit package is that?

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

No. Sound is good. But I may one day be able to turn off my hearing aide when I want to tune out my mom

When you loose your car keys, click on find.

And by typing in "keys" it would give me some directory that would lead me to the keys I thought I got rid of when I removed my first car and give me nothing for the one I actually tried adding.

"Help" with the chores is just a click away.

See...this relates because my computer is about as slow as the police and ambulance that I would require if I ever needed help.

Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash. (note: diskettes were these small square plastic thing that held minimal information so you take a file off one computer and put it on another. Same intention as a jump drive.)

Except that I lose those little black things, meaning I would still be screwed just like the auto insurance company does and I would be paying for it later

And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to YOU...

Except when you get a failure notice because you typed in the email address wrong in which case your pizza would get delivered to Botswana.

How Much Can I Bend Before I Break?

Growing up I was an avid fan of comic books. I no longer read them but I happen to remember one storyline particularly vividly. Over years and years one of my favorite superheroes, Batman, had locked up countless of insane villains in a place called Arkham Asylum. In a concerted effort to do away with Batman once and for all, a guy known as Bane orchestrated the mass breakout of all of the prisoners Batman had put away. The city was now overrun with decades worth of the craziest people, some of which also possessed superpowers. Because the police could not handle the load, Batman had to go after each individual.

Batman spent countless sleepless hours re-apprehending each villain often succumbing to hard falls, bruised bones, and general fatigue from all of the fighting. At the end of it all, Bane finally confronts Batman. On any other day, Batman could easily dispose of Bane despite his super strength. But on that particular encounter, Batman was worn down physically and mentally from days of non-stop fighting. After a small tussle, Bane picks Batman up and easily breaks his back over his knee. The greatest super hero was now crippled and defeated. Broken and left for dead.

That is somewhat how I feel right now. I am constantly fighting the tasks that come before me. I am currently working a full 40-hour week at the job that pays the bills. I am putting roughly 10 to 20 hours each week into my future career as I see clients, plan to teach classes, conduct assessments and read so I can get licensed, most of which is not paid time. I volunteer for CharlotteOne and lead the Ministry team which commits me there every single Tuesday in addition to follow-up throughout the week with people who ask for connections or prayer. Bible study meets every Monday at my house. That is my weekly schedule.
I was just somewhat involuntarily commissioned to lead a new class in mid-April. so I need to learn and prep the new material. I have to start thinking about and raising support for my missions trip in July since some more money is due soon. I still have to get in touch with all of my contacts for references on my licensure application. I need to schedule a new crop of assessments. I foolishly embarked on an aggressive 30 things I want to do before 30 list. I have recorded my grandparents giving an oral history of both sides of our family and need to edit those videos so that they can see their life's works before the opportunity expires.
All of this to say I am wearing down and wondering at what point I will be broken. I would not trade any of it and am not the type to give up on anything and certainly not anything that would let others down. But something is going to have to give soon as I find I no longer have enough hours in the day. I feel like Batman. But unlike him, I know my Bane is coming to snap me in half. I just don't know from where or when.
The good thing about the Batman story is that others were ready to step in for him while he recovered. And he did recover. Batman came back from being broken in half to continue his mission. Part of me desires the break to come so I can get to the recovery and bounce back stronger than ever.

Absolute Intolerable Government (AIG)

While for the most part I veer away from discussing specific political policies on here, preferring to speak in more over arching generalities, I cannot ignore this AIG tax because it is a flat out scary precedent. For those of you who need to be caught up to speed real quickly, please follow because this could affect you one day.
Simplified, American International Group, Inc. (AIG) got into some serious financial trouble and to avoid going under, got bailed out with much more than a couple billion dollars by the US government (essentially, we the people, because our taxes are paying for it). Word recently got out that despite their short comings and borrowed money, $165 million was being paid out as bonuses to some of AIG's employees. It was certainly outrageous because no one who dooms a company to financial failure should be given a bonus, but my understanding is that these bonuses were promised before the bailout. There was even a provision in the stimulus bill protecting these bonuses (yeah the same stimulus bill that your Representative signed without reading the whole way through).
Okay, now that you are caught up with the drama and outrage, here is where it gets flat out scary. The government, in an attempt to correct their own error, wants to tax these bonuses at 90%!!! Let me a go a bit more in depth, because if you don't realize what is happening, you should be enlightened. Despite the sheer stupidity of the undeserved bonuses and our taxes that will be paying for it, it is the government's fault for protecting that and allowing those to be guaranteed.
Why I am very very concerned is because the government is REWRITING TAX CODE TO TARGET SPECIFIC PRIVATE CITIZENS. They are not going after AIG as a corporation or criticizing them for paying billions of your tax money to foreign banks (oh, that is a whole other rant). No, they are targeting private citizens on specific money and at an outrageous 90% of the earnings. Why this is scary is because you could be next! I am not trying to fear monger, but with our growing deficit, that money is going to need to paid back. What is to say that the government won't come up with a tax that targets a certain group that you are in? And to what excess? 90% is very excessive. Even though I admittedly did limited research, I am not so sure that this is even constitutional.
I have long been a proponent of the Fair Tax system for reasons like this. The government has too much power over private citizens and it is overstepping their bounds. Rewriting tax code in a matter like this is very serious. As much as I hate AIG right now, I abhor this measure. Do you think it will stop with AIG? I think the government, if they are allowed to get away with this will use it for future taxation policies. Scary future potentially ahead.

Where Do You Value Education?

A few days ago the unfortunate news broke that CMS is planning on cutting nearly 500 teacher jobs here in Mecklenburg County. Currently I am not directly affected by the move but at the outset I was outraged at the poor planning. After thinking about it for a day or so, I am even more pissed off. Education is the one area of our society that is already neglected in teacher pay and now we don't even have enough money to pay their already paltry salary? In my opinion, it is a horrible mismanagement of money and terrible budgeting.
As a country, we already boast some of the dumbest and most ignorant kids in the developed world because of overcrowded classrooms, crappy administration and more politicking with our kids futures than I care to discuss. I would love to know what pet projects in out our state and county are taking money away from our teachers. Between the state lottery and the amount of taxes that are taken from us, we should be able to make it work.
I do not know how you begin to justify this idea. The one area you should be trying to grow especially in a recession should be education. We no longer have a farm society that everyone can default to if education does not work out. No, we now have wellfare. And congrats, by making cuts in education, you are growing that now and for the future. Right now there are an influx of professionals who could share their gifts and knowledge with students and could be given jobs or you could pay the teachers better than what they get to attract a higher standard of teacher. Cutting education screws over the future.
I won't have to worry though. As I told one person the other day, at this rate I am bound to homeschool my kids anyways. That way I can guarantee they get the education they deserve and will be smart enough to one day rule over the kids of these dumbasses that cut so many needed teachers.

Knowing the Price of Everything But the Value of Nothing.

Written by my friend Bryce Baker as a guest post. He needs his own blog because his stuff is fantastic. This really echos my heart.

I have been so humbled this week by the Holy Spirit. It is so incredible to see how God is moving within people. How He brings things together in such a bigger picture that we could have never imagined. He has been moving even within our group of friends. Twice I have noticed friends asking themselves tough questions concerning their relationship with God. I could see in their faces they were yearning for something more. Desiring answers and a better understanding of what God was trying to say. It broke my heart. When I saw this story I immediately was convicted and felt a burden. Every day each of us interacts with guys and girls who, on the outside are happy and normal, but on the inside they are teeter-tottering on righteousness or destruction.

"There was this couple who sold their house to buy an old elegant house in the city. It was their plan to renovate and live in this house that was built in the 1800s. So they started with new plumbing, new addition, and new HVAC system but when the contractor came in, the first thing he did was pull out leveling jacks. He started to level the house and make it square and plumb. Once he had done that he started to notice that doors wouldn't close, windows wouldn't shut, and plumbing sat sideways. What had happened was that slowly over time the house settled. Whoever was living in that house before all those years didn't notice anything because it's not like it settled or changed all at once. Every day a little bit here or a little bit there. However, when they made it level, all of a sudden everything was out of sync. The contractors came in and had to use special tools to level it. You couldn't square up the walls by trusting your eyes or level the floors by your feet. You have to use a tool to compare them to. God has given us a way to level and square our lives. It is the cross and it is His Holy Word."

Our talks in CharlotteONE have been about Love and Loving others. How much do you love your friends? No seriously think about it. How much do you love your friends? Do you love them enough to buy their lunch if they are hungry? Do you love them enough to cheer them up when they are sad? What about saving their relationship with God? Do you want to see them for 15 minutes on this Earth, experience a funny story together, and then let them fall by the way side? That is what we do every day. Satan didn't just fall from Heaven and become an annoyance to God. Satan deliberately turned his back on Him. Satan deliberately is waging war with our Creator and with us. He is trying to take the thing most precious to God, our love, and make it worthless. We know the price of a loaf of bread in a grocery store but we never think about the value that bread has to someone who is truly hungry. We know the price of our souls, the cross, but we never realize how valuable we are to Jesus.

Every day Satan manipulates us in ways we don't recognize. He lies to us making areas in our lives "settle" without us knowing. Little by little over many years we become non-square and unlevel. A good example would be our country over the past 200 years. We don't realize how we've changed at first but years later when we look back we see how far we've strayed from Him. Just as Casting Crowns’ song says, "slow fade." Piece by piece we give our souls away. We accept the sex that perverts our minds and the alcohol that clouds our conscience. We may not lie, cheat, or steal, but we will sure miss time with God on Sunday morning because we had too much to drink on Saturday night. We are all hurting and we are all looking for answers to fill the void within our hearts. Use the tools God gave you to level and square your life and then help square the lives of your friends who you should Love like yourself. Once you do, your sight will no longer be foggy, and your eyes will open to the areas that have "settled." If we all come together and help each other become square and level…then we can be a house that the Holy Spirit can live in. You are responsible for your own soul, but as a Christian, you are responsible for the souls of others.

That is my prayer request this week. That our friends who are questioning right or wrong and those who may not know Him find answers. We can make a big difference in someone’s relationship with God by doing little things to encourage. Pray with me.

My friend James-Michael has also posted this on his blog, which is a frequent read of mine. Check it out!

Dust Yourself Off and Try Again

As I lay face down in the snow I thought to myself, "That is it! It's over. Just lay here for a while and then give up." Let me rewind a bit and tell you how I got here. Last weekend, I embarked on trip to Snowshoe, WV with about 19 friends. One of my reasons for going, other than to enjoy an incredible weekend with people I like, was to knock off number seven on my 30 Things By 30 list. At the outset of the trip, five people, counting myself, were going to try and snowboard for the first time. By day two, it was just me.

So there I was. All by myself on the frozen slope. Everyone else was skiing/snowboarding with each other since their skill set was up to par. Already sore from the prior day's frequent and rough falls, I had just taken another tremendous spill that had sent me face first down the mountain. My goggles, which were perpetually fogged up, had flown off my face and were laying another five feet down the mountain. A few people had seen my fall from the ski lift and had made a few rude remarks about my obvious lack of skill. One guy cracked his skis together in an attempt to dump his accumulated snow on my head. I lay there feeling various pain receptors send signals to my brain urging me to cease the torture. My head and heart were starting to listen. "It is okay, you tried." "So what if you don't reach your goal." "Give up, you will never get it right." "You have failed yet again. It won't be the last time."

The last thought got me revved up. I was angry at myself now. Did I really think I was going to master snowboarding in a day and a half? I was now determined not to give up. I needed to prove myself wrong. As I pushed myself onto my knees, my body made one last plea to stop. I got up continued down the mountain taking a few bumps along the way. It was my last run of the day because the lifts would be closing soon. But now I was determined to continue my third day.

The third day started like the last with my body meeting snow at awkward angles. But I continued to press on and eventually got comfortable and competent enough on a snowboard to get safely down the mountain. You can read about it here.

The point of all of this was, day three was a huge pay off. If I had given up I would be sitting at home with regret still not knowing how to snowboard. But I did not give up and accomplished my goal. On day two I could never have envisioned that I was going to suddenly figure out how to go down the mountain without falling. Sometimes the bumps and bruises in life attempt to dissuade us from accomplishing a goal or vision. But I encourage you to press on. You might be met with physical pain, heartache, and sacrifice. But you never know how the next day will turn out if you do not press forward to see what will happen. In the words of the late Aaliyah, "dust yourself off and try again."

Turning 30 in 31 Months

The reason I mention this milestone is because I want to introduce everyone to my newest blog site: http://30thingsby30.wordpress.com/
30 Things by 30 is a list of things I have compiled that I want to experience or accomplish by the time I turn 30 on August 15, 2011.
I will still post regularly on here and this will be my main blog site. 30 Things By 30 is a side project that I am doing with great ambition. Check in regularly over there as I will be posting stuff as I work on or complete things from list. Enjoy both!

Valentine's Day Surprise

It is just after 4:30 on Valentine's day. Despite the fact that I slept in today and the strong cup of Black English tea by my side, I am still shaking off the fog in my head. My mind typically moves so fast but it is in these times that I am forced to slow down as my mind spends a little extra time trying to kick start itself. This is also the time when I feel like God penetrates my mind the most.

As I mentioned earlier, it is Valentine's day. Ooh perhaps I should hammer that home for myself one more time. Currently I am sitting by myself in Starbucks trying to get some work done and just not finding the motivation.

Even though these are the moments God is speaking to me, it is also the times the Devil is trying to impale me with his full onslaught of lies. Here is the rundown so far. See if any of them sound familiar. (1) No one cares what I have to say (working on this note and my blogs). (2) I have nothing to offer and if I never attempted to contact my friends again I would be quickly forgotten because no one cares enough to reach out to me. (3) I am destined to live the rest of my life alone and unloved. (4) Because of the rotten person I am, the previous three are warranted and I deserve nothing more. (5) I am failure. I do not prepare enough to share my gift that God has provided professionally and in my friendships (6) Bringing my complaints to God is fruitless because I am only reaching out to him during the lonely times and don't care enough to spend more time with him during the times that he provides for me.

What a crappy way to spend a Saturday right? Well remember, I said this is the time that God is speaking to me. The Devil is constantly on his bullhorn shouting this condemnation. Digging his wretched fingers into wounds he cut and carved into my past. And while the Devil is loud, God is clear.

Here is what God is saying to me today: (1) He has put words in my heart and in my mouth. Sometimes they are intended for a lot of people, sometimes just one person. And sometimes He wants me to write things out so I can read it back and He can speak into me. Just writing that realization floods my heart. (2) I have been blessed with a tremendous group of friends. But the times that I am not with them is sometimes God giving them or me a break to individually spend time with him. As much as I love my friends, I should take advantage of this time more often. Just because they do not call, does not mean they don't care or if it is that much of a concern and they really do not care then I should find people that will. (3) This is huge. While I feel destined for companionship, a lack of it should never leave me feeling unloved. Jesus has demonstrated time and time again His love for me. I am deeply loved. I am deeply and compassionately loved and understood. I am deeply and compassionately and patiently and sacrificially loved and understood. (4) I may never understand why or how completely but I can trust in God's Word and know convincingly that nothing I have done will remove His blessing from me. (5) My times that I feel like I am failing is when I try to do things alone and apart from God. Find Him and I can not fail. (6) God's love and response is unconditional. Need proof, look at the story of the prodigal son. Look at the sacrifice Jesus made for me.

When I started writing this, I thought it would be an encouraging uplifting note for the singles on Valentines day. But what I came to realize is that it is during days like today that we are attacked by the enemy in terms of our value and worth. But you are worthy, you are loved. You have a great Counselor, Listener, Redeemer and Friend in God. You are never alone.

Loans Give Life

I would like you to meet Akua Kusasi. She lives with her family in Offinso in the Ashanti Region of Ghana. She has requested a $550 loan in order to buy maize in bulk so she can expand her business enough to pay for educational opportunities for her children. I have responded to her request in part.
You see, a few years ago I heard about an organization called Kiva.org. Kiva is a person-to-person micro-lending website, who's mission is to connect people through lending for the sake of alleviating poverty. What that essentially means is that Kiva works with trusted micro-lenders all over the world to provide interest free loans to entrepreneurs who can demonstrate the trust to pay back those loans over time.
The unique part about this is that Kiva is not really providing these loans. I am. You are. We globally are. While she needed $550, I could only contribute to part of that. But some one from Canada is contributing a portion. Someone from France has thrown in some money as well. And there are more. Alone, we might not be able to help Ms. Kusasi but with our concerted effort, we can get her the money she needs to make a better life for herself and her family.
I never really talk about my giving or how much I give but was inspired by someone else to share this. You see, this is not just something we throw money at and hope somebody else fixes it. Here you are investing directly into somebody that is working to make a better life for themselves.
The thing about Kiva.org is that when the loan is paid back, you get your money back and can decide how you wish to use. I am not going to say how much I put in to Kiva but lets say I put the minimum $25 (which many people do and it is very effective, nothing wrong with that at all). When Ms. Kusasi pays back her loan and I get my part back, I can chose to withdraw that $25 and put it back in my pocket. But what myself, and many others do, is we count it as a donation. So once that money is put back in our account, we can take the next person and begin helping them with their small business loan. With a small investment, this is potentially a never ending cycle of giving where millions of lives can pulled from poverty.
I would greatly encourage you to at least give Kiva.org a shot. If you later decide you need the money back or it is not worth your capital, then you can withdraw and not lose out at all. But honestly look at it. While you have little to lose, the lives affected have everything to gain.

Untitled (Currently)

With trepidation in the air,
the four valves spread their warning.
A time of hurt not long forgotten,
the nay and pain is theirs to spare.

Courage is a stifled thought.
The cavity beats with increasing force.
The mouth remains behind the lines,
sees another battle never fought.

To risk it all and come up dry
could come to ruin them.
In the concert of this chambered soul
The final note is sigh.

While the eyes glance forlorn,
the impending weight of chances pass.
Better not to cause a stir.
Eros never born.

Interview with Alison Jones, Director of Advocacy at Resolve Uganda

Minutes after posting my last blog, I received and email from Resolve Uganda with an update (I am on their email list). I responded and invited them to read and comment on the post. They did and it has led to this interview. Please read and mull it over:

Alison, thank you so much for agreeing to do this interview. I threw out on Twitter that I would be getting the chance to talk to you and it generated a bit of good bit of buzz so I am excited.

Could you first introduce yourself and tell us what you do?

My name is Alison Jones (pictured above) and I'm one of the co-founders of Resolve Uganda, an organization that was created to protect children from being abducted and abused by a rebel army in Uganda by putting pressure on our leaders here to end the war.

I understand we are mainly talking about Uganda here, but it probably carries across into other countries too. Why the use of child soldiers? What does it accomplish?
That's a complicated question that depends largely on the country that we're talking about. While this problem is most critical in Africa, it's also occurring in Asia, Latin America and in parts of Europe and the Middle East. In the case of Uganda, the rebel Lord's Resistance Army(LRA) uses child soldiers because they had little to no support from the local population and this was the most expedient way to replenish and fill their ranks. Children make easy prey, and are also easier than adults to brainwash and indoctrinate. The LRA is a case of forcible abduction --- there are other conflicts where children choose (in as much as 11-year olds can make informed decisions) to fight, because they have no other options.

I know civil war was displaced many children in Uganda and groups like Invisible Children are trying to work in that aftermath. What is going on now with the Lord's Resistance Army?
While the war between the LRA and Ugandan government has always been commonly viewed as a civil war, there have always been regional components that complicated the situation. The LRA was used as a proxy fighting force by the Sudanese government in its fight against the South Sudanese, and the porous borders in the region allowed the LRA to move freely. The LRA and Ugandan government have been involved in peace negotiations for the past two years that brought relative stability to northern Uganda, but unfortunately this peace came at the expense of other security for other populations in the region. While the negotiations were happening, the LRA took the opportunity to move its bases to the Congo (next door to Uganda) and has recently started committing attacks there that are comparable to what they did in N. Uganda for so long -- abducting children, displacing communities, terrorizing families. This is now very much a regional crisis that the world is going to have to pay attention to and act on if children in Congo and Sudan are going to be spared the same brutal fate that so many children in N. Uganda endured.

I threw out on my last blog post that I did not see the point in legislation because the problem seems to be rebels who would not adhere to laws or proclamations. I would also argue that they would not be the ones affected by restrictions in aid. You disagreed. Could you tell me how it would help?
You make a good point that legislation aimed at rebel groups will be ineffective. But just as much as rebel armies use this tactic, so unfortunately do governments (Uganda included). Just yesterday, Congress passed the Child Soldiers Prevention Act that will limit military funding to governments that recruit and use child soldiers. This is a huge step. In the case of rebel armies, organizations like mine recognize that rebel armies will only abandon this tactic when they are forced to - aka when the conflict is ended. That's why we're doing everything we can to achieve peace for this region - it's the only way kids are going to be safe.

Why should the average person in the Western world care? How/does it affect us?
For anyone who has had the chance to listen to the story of a child soldier, whether in a news article, through a movie, or in person, there is a very human component to this. These are just little kids - and whether they live next door or across the ocean - they deserve to be protected. I wholeheartedly believe that this is an issue with no moral uncertainty - what's happening to these children is wrong, and it's no less wrong just because it's not happening right where we live. In addition to that belief though, there is the argument about failed states and what it will take to secure our world. We know that lack of education, extreme poverty, lack of any opportunity breed insecurity - and that this is where armed conflict thrives. I think 9/11 showed most Americans that we need to start paying attention to what's happening in other parts of the world - because our planet is a lot smaller than we think.

How do we get involved, is there anything else we can do besides writing to or representatives in congress?
In the case of the LRA, I would encourage people to join our campaign for peace at www.resolveuganda.org. We were founded on the belief that these kids will be safe only when our politicians care enough to protect them - and that we can make that happen. We organize events all throughout the year that put pressure on our leaders to act for peace. I know that the political process is intimidating to some people, and that writing a letter doesn't sound like the coolest thing to do, but I can promise you that it is the best thing you can do to help these children in the long run.

How does your work differ from that of Invisible Children, another prominent group working for peace in Uganda? Do you ever work together?
We do work quite closely with Invisible Children --- As they are working to raise awareness and directly assist children in northern Uganda, we're trying to translate that awareness into political pressure. For every person who sees their film, we want them to call their Member of Congress and ask them to do something. We very much value our collaboration and friendship with their organization and hopefully will have some joint events coming up.

Alison, thank you for your time and very thought provoking answers. This is not an advocacy specific blog but advocacy is an aspect I care deeply about. I would invite you to come back and keep us updated anytime.

For more information, please visit Resolve Uganda by clicking on the logo below:

Rooted Reality in 24: Redemption

Last night one of my favorite television shows returned for one night. "24" broadcast a 2-hour movie to set up the upcoming season. For those that have not tuned into the show, the premise has been that each season follows a counter terrorism agent named Jack Bauer through one significant day. So each episode is an hour long and there are 24 of them. Seasons have been spaced out so one season might actually take place 4 years later than the season before it. Because of the events that will be happening in this season, the show's creators thought it would be useful to provide us with two hour prequel to let us know how Jack ended up where he is going to be when the season starts in January

"24: Redemption" is set in the fictional African nation Sangala on the eve of a revolutionary coup. Jack is found at an American school that has taken in, what could be assumed as, orphaned children whose parents might have been killed in previous revolutions or counter-revolutions. Not too much unlike the work Invisible Children is trying to do in Uganda.

Which, brings me to the point of this entire blog (if you have been reading my writings, you knew this was not going to be all about a TV show). A lot of what occurred in and was the premise of "24: Redemption" is very much rooted in reality. I am not talking about Jack Bauer kicking ass and not caring enough to take names, that is what we have Chuck Norris for. I am talking about the conflict occurring in the troubled African country. The children on the show were being kidnapped and brainwashed into becoming child soldiers. If you are not aware, then let this be your wake up call. While many of us grew up with relatively little strife, 10-year old children in Uganda and other countries were forced to decide between killing their own parents and siblings or being killed themselves. No one should be faced with that decision especially not at 10. The brutal warlords can then guilt the children into thinking they will be forever unforgiven and their only hope in life is to fight for them or be turned in to the authorities. Other children "volunteer" as a chance to escape poverty or simply to avoid being killed by the militia. It is routinely estimated that there are between 250,000 and 300,000 soldiers under the age of 18 worldwide. I was actually a little disappointed that while Fox brought attention to what is going on, they only gave very brief mention in a commercial that provided the average viewer any indication what they watched is not only real but, minus Jack Bauer, occurs every day. And based on what happened, I imagine this will be largely ignored in January.

I really don't care how much I write here. I am never going to be able to do this topic justice. It is simply sickening to think that while a child should be enjoying days of accepted immaturity, learning new things, playing sports, etc. they are instead forced to be puppets in a war that is not theirs. Forced to kill their family, friends, neighbors, and strangers. I would really encourage you to poke around for more information on sites like this. It might not be occurring in your back yard, but visit a school during recess or look at your own children and imagine the kids who are "playing" war are actually equipped with Ak-47s. There is no laughing, no joy, no careless freedom. Only dead souless eyes who have been stripped of innocence.

I have looked at some of the work people are trying to do to prevent these atrocities. I don't see the good of any of their ideas because they are all based on the assumption the same lawless dogs that use the children would obey some sort of protocol or mandate. So what do we do? Is there anything we can do? Can we only deal with the aftermath?

19-Year Old Commits Suicide with Others Watching Online

Today I came across an article that I found frighteningly disturbing on so many levels. I will try to be brief on each point but there are so many thoughts packed in here, it is going to be tough. Abraham Biggs Jr. was teenager who was having some serious problems in life. On Wednesday November 19, 2008, he took his own life. What makes this suicide different is that it was done on a live web cam. With others not only watching, but some encouraging him to do it. 1500 people reportedly watched this kid end his own life. I actually have to pause to collect myself. This is one of the most heart wrenching things I have ever read.

11 years ago, almost to the exact day, I plotted and was prepared to carry out my own suicide. There aren't that many people that know that. If I am giving my testimony or someone finds out, I freely talk about it but I have not previously gone around pronouncing it. I am not just talking about being sad and thinking death would be better. I mean I was wrecked and had my death and the date planned out. I got lucky though. God used a classmate that I did not know so well to inadvertently bring me from the brink. I wish to God someone had been there for Abraham. [Disclaimer: I have provided a link to the note he left because I think it is important for recognizing what is going on with the people around us. This is not for kicks or entertainment. If you are using it for such, please respectfully do not click on it from my page.] Reading his note, I can identify with the pain, torment and worthlessness he felt and wonder if the people around him could see it in him. I know I was good about hiding my depression. My own parents did not know how bad I had been back then until I told them about it this year.

One of the things that I found most disturbing is that some people in that online community did not only doubt Abraham's intent, they encouraged him to end his life. Now, I am not trying to blame these people for his death. He made the final choice to end his life. But what I do want to hit on is how much people can lack in empathy that they would not only fail to provide any semblance of care and support, but would go out of their way to encourage death. I hope that you are not like that but it does remind me of the Milgram Experiment that showed almost all are capable of harming someone we don't directly know. By the time people took Abraham seriously, it was too late.

Another aspect is that we have been blessed with incredible opportunities for connecting with complete strangers because of the internet. Unfortunately, it can also rob of us of our humaneness because of the content we are exposed to. Sadly in our quest for attention and entertainment, I do not think this is the last online suicide we will read about.

If you are thinking about suicide, please stop. Go talk with someone. A friend, a parent, even a professional counselor or therapist. Life is not one we should journey in alone. And I promise you that no matter what is going wrong, no matter how bad things are, there is someone who can relate to you. There is someone that cares enough that their life would be affected by your death. But more than anything, if you end your life, you do not get to see what tomorrow holds and it might just be the day things turn around. How do I know? I was there. Hopeless. Welcoming death. In 24 hours my life did a complete 180 and I have never looked back. Come away from the edge. Someone will listen.

Please! I implore you. If you know someone that is battling depression or hear of a suicide plot online or in your community, take it seriously. Sometimes simple interaction can change things around for the person. Sometimes you need more help. Please visit the The National Institute for Mental Health and To Write Love on Her Arms for more information on suicide prevention, support, and resources.

Feeling Trapped?

As I stepped on the elevator today, I thought to myself, "I hope I make it back in time and the next session has not started yet." I was at CltWordCamp, a conference type of event that focuses squarely on everything WordPress because I am going to be starting two new blogs over the next year and wanted to learn more about WordPress.org. We had just finished a meet and greet and were given a 15 minute break before the start of the next event. Knowing there would be some networking opportunities later, I ignored my bladder and ran to the car to grab some business cards.

On the assent to the third floor I suddenly realized my journey was taking significantly longer than it should have. None of the buttons were lit. "Ah ha!" I thought. "I had simply forgotten to press the button." After pressing all of the buttons, I realized I was not going anywhere. Prying the doors open revealed that I was lodged between the 2nd and 3rd floors as indicated by the numbers painted on the concrete slab outside the door. I could see that I had less than a foot of clearance to look out over the third floor.
After pressing the alarm button to no avail, I raised my phone to the small opening and got enough signal to text Andy Denton that I was stuck. Within a a minute or two I could hear Andy and a few others outside the door. Jason Silverstein and Steve Gunn showed up and let me know they were going to be getting help. They stuck around and provided me with a copy of the Charlotte Observer and The Eye to keep me occupied.
During my time in the elevator I spent my time whistling The Girl From Ipanema and briefly started to sing Aerosmith's "Love in an Elevator" before realizing how wildly inappropriate it was given my present company of no one. I did a few sets of push ups and joked around with the people outside the door. I think they were more nervous about my situation than I was.
As the seminar broke for lunch, the maintenance crew found they were able to pry the doors open wide enough so I could get some cooler air. I now had a one foot slot where people could stop by and take pictures (which have been contributed here). I was also fed pizza and salad through my small hole to the outside world.
I set out my business cards for Peer In Counseling Center and shouted things at passersby such as, "Do you feel trapped in life like I am trapped in this elevator? Then give me a call and let's talk!" and "Trapped in a loveless relationship is no better than being trapped in an elevator. Call me and let's get your relationship back on the tracks!"
After nearly an hour an half they were finally able to hand crank the elevator to the next floor and I was set free. I felt like a puppy that has been in the kennel all day. I didn't know who to talk to first, or if I should eat, or perhaps go pee (which, by this point I definitely regretted putting off).
I eventually gave my thanks, told a few more jokes about the situation, and went to slam back a few slices of pizza before the seminar started again. By the time I finally sat back down, my reputation had reached epic proportions. I was given a new name tag and for the rest of the day was known as "Elevator Man" or "The Elevator Guy." All in all I had a ton of fun with it, used it as an opportunity for networking and meeting some great folks, and even did a little marketing. Lisa Hoffmann would be proud.
So the next time you are "trapped," whether it be in a job, relationship, or elevator, keep in mind that it is what you make out of it and it can actually turn into a great experience.

The Losing Fight

How do you fight against the will of man
When God's gift of freedom can thwart all plans?
Desire runs in tunnels deep.
What has sprung must return to sleep.

Happiness is what others hold
Fleeting from my control.
Rare as precious stone,
The pain extends to the bone.

Are God and I so far apart
Wanting different things for our shared heart?
Battles that can be won will be fought.
Solitude will remain always not.

But how do you fight against the will of man?
Seek Him first and you will understand.

To Every Season There is a Cold

I am sick today. I have a full blown cold and it makes for a less than pleasant day. I will spare you details but if Jesus ushered me into Heaven today, I would certainly think he picked a good day to spare me my misery.

I don't know about you, but when I get sick, it is easy to focus on all of the other things that are going wrong in my life because I am already discontent. Family life isn't perfectly balanced, money is tight, I am still wallowing in singleness when I feel built for marriage, etc. I am sure you have your own list of despondency.
However, I know this is just a season. In Ecclesiastes 3 Solomon reminds us that what we are going through is not only for a purpose but only for a time as well. You are probably more familiar with the The Byrds' song, but it expresses that there is a season to everything and then it passes. Some of it is good, some of it is miserable.
So while I will never promote the idea that life has the potential to be perfect, hang in there because whatever you are going through will only last for a time before it is replaced.

Misnomer of Inspiration

In a recent blog I spoke of peoples' draw to Obama being in large part due to his ability to inspire the people around him. I heard multiple times towards the end of the campaign that some were voting for Obama because he inspired them and they expected him to inspire others to be better people. I labeled this to be a misnomer for several reasons. Personally, the only thing Obama has inspired me to do is move to Ireland where they have cool accents, leprechauns, and lower taxes. But I digress.

Anybody who has taken a cursory course in Psychology has heard the terms extrinsic motivation and intrinsic motivation. Summed up, extrinsic motivation is being motivated by outside sources such as rewards or to avoid pain while intrinsic motivation is an internal process when you do something because you enjoy it or because you believe it is the right thing to do.
My contention with Obama's inspiration of motivation actually has little to do with him and has more to do with the mindset of the American people. Don't get me wrong. Obama was very wise to tap into the idea of acting as an external motivator but I think he should just as readily tap into people's evaluations of self-worth that help or hinder intrinsic growth.

The reason why Barak never inspired me is because I am very intrinsically motivated. Don't get me wrong, I love a pat on the back and to be recognized for the things I do. The difference is , I would do them even if there was not any external payoff. Now, I know a few of my psychological buddies might now be taking issue with the separation I have just made. It is an implication that those inspired by Obama were lacking in intrinsic motivation and would fail to move forward without the dangling carrot stick. Ehhh somewhat my point but not all of it. You see, intrinsic motivation has been tied to the concept of self-worth. Those with higher levels of self-worth tend to be more intrinsically motivated.

So how does one increase self-worth when their world is figuratively in the crapper? How does one move from needing someone to inspire and push them, to becoming self-motivated to institute change in their own life?

First, take a realistic determination of your value. This is best done with the help of close friends, co-workers and a counselor/therapist. Most people requiring external motivation rate their worth far lower than what it actually is and do not realize how many people actually view them.
Second: once you realize that, even if it is one person or minuscule, someone loves and depends on you, you can begin to understand your value and importance. Knowing that you are worthy in ANY capacity is foundational. Because if you find yourself worthy in one role you can expand that to others. If you have a child that sees you as a provider and nurturer, you can take that ability to less fortunate children who do not currently experience the same love and devotion. If you find you are good at building or creating things, you can expand that to help an organization like Habitat for Humanity.
Third, begin to find joy and appreciation in those areas where you are instrumental or matter.
By now I may actually have you secretly inspiring others. But, at the same time as you are increasing your self-worth you are also inspiring yourself to try new things as well as expanding your abilities in areas what you are already familiar with. The next step to take is to use that same new realization of intrinsic motivation and try utilizing it in less familiar areas. Now that you find people enjoy your ability to cook and you have started cooking for the homeless, try taking that same energy for serving and apply it to learning a new skill to better your life so you can then better others. For example learning the task of financial planning so you can create a successful budget for yourself and then teach that skill to the homeless you cook for.

You see, the misnomer of inspiration is that it must come from outside of ourselves. Each of us has the somewhere within us the inherent ability to inspire ourselves for change. The thing often missing is the understanding that we are worthy enough to create that very change.

[refrences: A Conservative's Support of President Obama; Change "You" Can Believe In]

A Conservative's Support of President Obama

Let me first tell you about my political affiliation. I am about as conservative as they come in a voting booth. I unashamedly voted for Bush twice (although there are a lot of things recently that have given me pause), I am for smaller government, less taxation or at least a fair tax, and protection of life from conception to death. I enjoy capitalism and believe people should be rewarded based on the fruits of their labor including the education it took to get them there. While I am all for helping the poor, I am not for blanket handouts (widespread not cloth). I believe our welfare system sucks and should be re-examined and revamped. I am for personal responsibility in all areas. While I am all for helping the Earth, I think people have gone too far in their ideals and demands especially when it is a world effort and China is not helping. I am against the gay agenda and its push to make itself known to children as young as five. Regardless of belief, I am against pushing the mere mention of God out of schools and every government institution.
As you can imagine, last night was a kick in the teeth to my ideals and view of what America is and what America can be. I will say that I was not a fan of McCain either, but felt he was the better option to at least stem the tide until someone else could get us back on track. I literally felt sick with dread yesterday, knowing the inevitable was coming.

With all of that being said, I am calling for the immediate support of Barak Obama from everyone. I know people are mad and upset. I would rather strap raw meat to my back and run through a pack of hyenas than to have seen this outcome. I am absolutely pissed because I think he has successfully pulled the wool over America's eyes with fancy rhetoric and speeches. However, he is the fairly elected President of the United States of America.
I think people forget, that more than anything, the President is a symbol of this great nation and a testament to the democratic process. People definitely forgot that with Bush. Dissent is okay and people who disagreed with the war had every right to raise hell. But they went to far, made it too personal, and then made sure they never agreed with him even if he was right on an issue. I believe this further fragmented and diluted the power of our great nation. I do not want to see the same thing continue.
I will pledge to continue to stand up for conservative ideals but at the same time I am going to support Barak Obama as President of the United States. When he fails with certain decisions or policies, and he will, I will fairly criticize him. However, as sharp as my dissension may be, I will not bitch and moan for the sake of it without having rational alternatives behind it. I will keep a sharp eye out for Socialistic tendencies and anything that contradicts our Constitution, including the re-distribution of wealth through taxation. We will soon see how much Barak cares about this country by the policies he makes that will either help or cripple this nation.
While conservatives should remain hopeful and confident in our position, looking forward to 2012, we should at least offer Barak a chance to better this nation. The American people have spoken. America is split. It is time for liberals and conservatives to do a little listening. If there is one thing I have learned during this election, it is that many people were magnetized to Obama because they believed he would inspire Americans to be better people (look for a future blog real soon on this misnomer). If he is halfway successful, I will consider his presidency good for this country. If not, we can boot his ass in four years.
Here is to democracy and the future of the United States of America.

Change "You" Can Believe In

We have heard a lot about "change" during this presidential election. Both candidates have committed to changing the course of this country. But let's make it personal for a second. How can you change the course of your life?
Perhaps you have a nagging habit like chewing your fingernails. Maybe you sit around all day and get nothing accomplished. There is a chance you are like me and are intent on exercising. Tomorrow, always tomorrow.
And what if you are the person who's need for change runs deeper? You need to change the way you treat your wife. You need to change the way you talk to and around your children. You need to work harder so you are not in danger of losing your job. Your overall temperament is so rotten that people can't stand to be around you for lengthy periods. You need to talk that girl you have a crush on. You need to meet new people. Any people.

Here is the change you can believe in: First, if it is something you truly desire to change, then set about to change it. I imagine that hit you as either too simplistic or too difficult. Such as our election, there is little room for middle ground by thinking, "oh, well that all makes sense now. I will get on that!" But until you get over the mental hurdle that change needs to happen and you actually want it to happen, no change will occur.
Once you have it in your mind to change, start small. It is great to realize the end goal but know that you will not jump from nothing to the end result without a little work. If it was that easy, you would have done so in the time it took to read this post. In starting small, find progressive steps. It is suggested by some that before you must implement change, you must plan out your course. I agree to an extent, but this is where most people get discouraged and bogged down. If you are finding you are getting stuck, move on. Sometimes the best course is to put one foot in front of the other and before you know it, you have reached your destination.
After you have moved beyond planning, start obtaining your goal in small increments. Try not chewing your nails for a day, run half a mile, talk to a girl you don't like. Gradually add onto this: don't chew your nails for a week at a time, add half a mile to your run every other week, say "hello" to the girl you like when passing her by. Repeat until your goal is reached.
If you slip, don't be afraid to start again or try a new way of getting there. Thomas Edison said about his light bulb invention, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
Over the next few weeks, I will break down change in more detail. The change, however, starts with you.
In the meantime, I would love to hear your examples. What do you want to change? What have you tried changing? Success? Failures?

Charlotte Word Camp

Charlotte WordCamp is coming to town on November 15, 2008 and I am hoping to attend. Charlotte WordCamp is a conference type of event that focuses squarely on everything WordPress. Everyone from casual end users all the way up to core developers show up to these events. These events are usually highlighted by speeches or keynotes by various people.

So why am I telling you about this? For a few reasons. First, by posting a blog on the event, I can potentially earn a free registration to the event sponsored by Realty.com. Second, I would really like some input onto how I can make my blog more interactive and user friendly. Please provide input on anything you can think of. Are my posts too long? Is the font or coloring making it difficult to read? Do I make it to personal or not personal enough? Content: what would you like to read about?

My last two blog posts have had more readers and comments than my entire blog's combined history. How did you find my blog and what would keep you coming back to read it on a normal basis?
And for those observant types that notice the conference is for WordPress while my blog is on Blogspot, I will learn valuable tips for blogging in general but I also have a blog planned out for the future that will exclusively focus on counseling issues and an advice column, which will most likely end up on WordPress.
You can answer these questions and provide in feedback below.

Doom and Gloom Mentality

Currently our citizens are experiencing, what some would define as, pretty rough times. We have two politicians, which approximately the same amount of people vehemently hate, vying for our country's top political office. People who could once take pride in the fact that they had a roof over their head, may no longer experience that same comfort. Even our future is at stake as Mutual Funds, IRAs, and 401ks are being rocked by a volatile stock market. We don't trust our financial institutions, our creditors, our government or each other.

Picking up the news paper or turning on the news is like an exercise in futility as we find out about natural disasters, crooked politicians, crazy foreign leaders, gas prices and crime. It is easy to see why people are increasingly getting depressed and hopeless. This has even trickled down into some of my personal interests. For example: I am a huge Tennessee fan. We have not had a great football season. But instead of realizing that we have an inexperienced QB and a new offensive scheme, people on the message boards act like it is the end of the world. If Tennessee loses, life is lost. I am sure you can think of similar examples. Your team also sucks, gas lines that recently troubled and nearly crippled the South, the double cheeseburger being taken off the dollar menu at McDonalds, the shrink ray at the grocery store. Whatever it is, no matter how big or small, you might be affected by a feeling of loss or hopelessness as the world you knew simply seems to crumble around you.
I want to look at two things: why we buy into this feeling when it is completely unnecessary, and also how can we recover from it.

First of all, if people actually read my posts, I am sure I would receive responses such as, "you have no idea what I am going through," or "just because your life is rosy doesn't mean mine can be." I could easily counteract with the old argument that even if you were to lose everything, you would still be better off than the third world countries. But that is not my intent. I will get nowhere by slighting your feelings.
I am going to be completely transparent and say that the number one reason I do not fear any of this is because my faith in God and the promises He has made in my life. Not a Christian? Don't stop reading yet. Bear with me through the next paragraph as I explain my personal beliefs in these matters and then I will widen the net.
God has told us that there is no need for us to worry. He has promised that if He is going to provide food for the birds of the air and dress the fields with the splendor of lilies, then He is going to take care of our needs. That does not mean that we should not plan and take responsibility and initiative in these areas of our lives but it does mean that we should not have to stress over them when those plans do not work out like we had hoped. When the world seems unsteady, God's hand steadies and holds us up.

Still with me? Good. So, perhaps you have little faith or no faith at all or simply like to do things your own way. There is still hope and reason not to resort to aggressive trichotillomania. How can I claim the feeling of loss or hopelessness is unnecessary? Because, while things may be less than stellar, we are far from Armageddon. In this country we have every possible natural resource we need to survive. The only thing stopping us is regulations and I promise, if all hell broke loose, those regulations would be removed or the people of this country would forcibly rise and remove them. We have structures in places, someone will have to occupy them even if it is for pennies on the dollar. We have food sources in grains and animals. We have oil that could be obtained if need be. We have a strong military and we have some most of the most brilliant minds working on economic, technological, and innovative issues. While this might not help in immediate personal situations, it does give reason to believe that the country is not going to end up back in the stone age.

As for my second point, what can you do in these times to provide stability and ride the wave of doom and gloom? Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice and in case I have not stressed it enough yet, sacrifice. I know from my experience as a grad student that rent and utilities aside, I can survive on less than $30 a week if I am not driving. That includes groceries and other household items. It was not enjoyable but I survived. Oh yeah, that was in the dead of winter too. It was a short time but I made it work. I cut the cable, turned off the heat and bundled up, shopped at the dollar store, walked more places, gave up most forms of entertainment like movies and made my food stuff like Ramen Noodles. By the way, MSG causes me nausea so this was miserable for a few weeks. The thing is though, I made it through, got a decent job and slowly built my savings.
I am not implying that this is the preferable way to live, but if life pushes you down, hold the weight and eventually life will pull you back up. Even though I have a personal aversion to most government sponsored programs, they are there for just such occasions so you might as well utilize them. Here are some of the programs offered in North Carolina as an example. You can have rent paid for and food covered plus utility credits. Also figure out what you want versus what you need. I have enough jackets, I don't need a new one. The shoes look great but do they serve a function that a pair I already have do not? Do I need to eat out or can I plan ahead and eat cheaper at home?

With all of this said, there is good reason not to be too worried about our current state. While it might mean that we can not drive the car we want or live in the location we desire, we can survive. And ultimately life is more important than what we posses in it. If I get enough people reading and commenting with feedback, I will post a side bar with additional resources for saving money and and easy tips for being financially wise in turbulent times.

Ultimately decide what is important. Hopefully your answer by now consists of things like God, family, friends, etc. Find your enjoyment in those things alone and eventually you will no longer need to worry about the state of the world around you. Goodbye Doom and Gloom. Hello joy and contentment!!

Addled Femininity

It is no secret that women baffle and confuse me. Heck, I am fairly confident that most men could attest to that statement. But more than anything else recently, I have been confused by the hearts versus the actions of women.

My personal penchant is to treat all women with as much respect as I can muster. I have on more than one occasion been accused of putting some women on a pedestal. I cannot explain exactly where it comes from, but I hearken back to a more chivalrous time. I still open the doors for women young and old, including car doors when the opportunity arises. I try to be patient with womens' thoughts and emotions. But above all, I try to take care of their hearts. I am not alone in these actions and I am certainly not above making mistakes where I am rude, hurtful, or discourteous. But in general I try to treat women with care and respect.

I have, however, noticed a trend from as early on as high school that most women allow themselves to be treated, in my opinion, with disrespect. I am not talking about the women society has slighted who allow themselves to be in verbally or physically abusive relationships. That is to obvious of an example. I truly wish I could reach in to their lives and rescue each one of those women.

I am referring to the everyday woman who allows the men in their lives, be it co-workers, boyfriends, or friends to make dents in their esteem and leaves it unchallenged. These dents come in the form of what could be observed by many as casual flirting or joking. A comment about the large size of a woman's posterior, belittling a woman's looks or the care they have taken in their appearance and clothing, insulting a woman's intelligence, etc. I could go on but I think you are beginning to get the point. Rarely are these comments uttered with malicious intent but that does not mean it does not cut into the heart of a woman. I have talked with many women who on the surface take these comments and jests in stride but go home questioning their value, beauty, and worth.
Have you ever had a rough time with a group of male friends and gone home to discuss it with your friends Häagen and Dazs? You might be one of the women I am referring to. I have heard from women who have dwelled on a seemingly innocent comment or remark and allowed it to penetrate their heart. However, for unexplained reasons, these women go back to the same men who have hurt them and instead of letting them know of the emotional pain, they continue to receive more of the same abuse. What is more, they work harder to gain the attention of these men.

So women (men, your input is welcome too), this is the interactive part. I would simply like to know why? Why do women speak so much about finding someone to care for who they are, their heart and souls, yet allow themselves to be treated so poorly? Is it because the assumption is made that all guys will treat you in this manner so why even talk about it? It is one thing to say in today's modern feminism that women can take the same jokes and jabs to the ego that a guy can. But I am finding in my observations, that is simply not the case. I would love some help for myself too. Is it appropriate to joke about the things a woman should still find sacred and reverent? Or, am I completely off base in all of this? When I question my guy friends about it, they say they are just joking around and don't mean the things they say. Women, does it hurt or affect you in any way? Or, non-surprisingly, have I just misjudged and misheard women?

Protected Trouper

Lift up thy curtain
and take a peek.
Do you glimpse reality,
or view mystique?

Words chosen in order to deceive.
Not malicious, but protection received.
Veiled intention serve to hide
the character called Wounded Pride.

Look beyond words to find the truth.
Disrupt the game played since youth.
Wardrobe is cloak of mystery.

Keeps you from seeing empty.

The theater show began at Act One.
The closing curtain can't be undone.

Random Thoughts

Updated October 22, 2008
Worry is one of the biggest things that keeps people awake at night. Not me though. I have far to many other random thoughts in my head to have any room for worry at night. I have often wondered if there is some device in my pillow that is activated by the static electricity in my hair and causes my brain to start sprinting. To help me get to sleep faster I have begun jotting down some of the thoughts that enter my mind. Anything legible in the morning (I am writing in the dark) is going to start ending up in the blog. So keep up with this one because it will be constantly updated. And because I like to keep things interactive, if there are any ideas you want me to flesh out, let me know and I might create a new blog based on your suggestion.
So here are my random (good, bad, and what the...?) thoughts:

• Hope is a tricky thing. Too much of it leaves you blind. Too little of it leaves you dead.
• How are cockroaches suppossed to survive a nuclear blast when they can't survive the bottom of my shoe?
  
• There are few things worse than somebody you haven't seen in a while asking you what you have been up to and you respond "nothing much." It is actually worse if that is true.
• Bear cubs are one of the cutest animals alive until their mother mauls your face off.
• Saying "sneeze" while actually sneezing is a messy idea.
• Life would be better if people had to suck helium right before they got into an argument. I think arguments would end pretty quickly if everybody had to yell at each other while sounding like a chipmunk. Who could not laugh?
• Never start a good book late at night just to pique your curiosity.
• I found out I can make it out of bed, through the shower, teeth brushed and to work (which is a 10 to 15 minute drive away) in exactly 26 minutes. Better not to ask how I found out or how it was done.
• If you are supposed to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, then where do you keep the people you sort of like?
• It is very disturbing to me that the ice at Sonic and Zaxby's does not melt.
• People say don't sweat the small stuff. The small stuff is the only thing I want to be sweating. My pores are too small to sweat the big and medium stuff.
• A lot of liberals claim Fox is to biased with a conservative slant. A lot of conservatives claim CNN, MSNBC, CBS, and ABC are too biased with a liberal slant. I say both camps need to shut up because they have all been reporting about Anna Nicole Smith and Brittney Spears for three flippin' weeks straight.
• If money grew on trees I would still be broke. Gosh darn urban sprawl.
• Why are best friends so hard to make and/or keep after college?
• If someone steals you identity, and you find and kill them, is it murder or suicide? I mean technically you are taking yourself of the records.
• Am I really considering resorting to E-Harmony? Has it come to this?
• Do vegans breast feed their babies?
• If a donkey mated with nine kittens...ah forget it that concept is just asinine.
• Is it sad that I learned to identify Classical music composers from my cell phone ring tones?
• Why are bed sheets more comfortable in the morning than they are at night?
• Why do protesters for peace always look so angry? (oooo I feel a huge rant coming on.)
• Can/do women pee in the shower like a man can/does? (rhetorical question, don't want answers)
• Do you ever think to yourself (or out loud) how people first decided to see if something was edible? (ex. oysters, another animal's milk, eggs, potatoes, etc.)

That is all for now, but stay tuned. Good or bad, I am sure there will be more.

After All This Time...

Oh where does the time go? I posted an indication during the start of the presidential primaries that I would respond to the idea of a Christian's obligation to a welfare state. I never completed that thought, blinked and we are three weeks out from the general election. For those scoring at home, it has been nearly eight months since my last post.
So I will quickly bring you up to speed and my absence and then pave the way for hopefully a slew of blogs including some poetry I worked on while away. (I know, who pegged me for the poetic type?) My mom is at home waving her hand in the air saying, "Pick me, pick me! I knew!"
I am still at the same job I was at working in the Ethics and Compliance field, but I have also been working on expanding my counseling practice. We re-branded, got a new logo, and increased our awesomeness with additional staff. I am really proud of all the work Kim and Laurie have put into their baby and the website looks amazing!
As you can imagine, trying to juggle two jobs is often quite taxing. I often spend an hour or two reading after my roommates have gone to bed and work in a minimum of eight hours of reading per week just to make sure I am in compliance with Licensure expectations. On top of that I am seeing a few clients and doing some marketing. But I try not to let my exhaustion show too much in my energy level thanks to a healthy diet of Red Bull and Starbucks.
Speaking of diets, I have lost some weight! When I weighed in for my physical in March, 2008 I was at a whopping 236 pounds. After a disappointing outcome to a situation, I became motivated to lose the weight starting in July. I am now loosing the weight for me though. At last weigh in I was at 210 pounds. Now granted, I was on a luggage scale at the train station. At my friends apartment, I was at 204 pounds. Being cynical in that matter, I am going for the higher of the two weights as a healthy reminder that I still have a lot of work to do to reach my goal of 185 pounds. And that gout I mentioned in a previous post? Gone. It seems a bit of weight loss combined with simply eating cherries clears it right up. I have not had an outbreak in at least six months!
Summer was absolutely amazing as I had a tremendous time hanging out with friends. We spent a couple weekends at the lake, kayaking/camping on the Pee Dee River, and taking an all guys trip to Cape Hatteras on Labor Day weekend. I have also been playing volleyball on regular basis most Sunday afternoons.
I moved three times this year. In January, Matt Jernigan and I parted ways as roommates. We were still really good friends but Matt craved the opportunity to live by himself for once and I agreed he should experience that at some point in his life. I moved in with a guy I did not know, but we shared a mutual friend. The guy was very weird and was apparently quite unprepared for a roommate as indicated by his refusal to accommodate for space. A small example was a cabinet filled with his coffee mugs leaving no room for any of my dishes or food. The guy admittedly did not even drink coffee. After three weeks we mutually decided to part ways (much to my relief). I moved in with a guy named Brandon Russell. I am not big into name dropping but I know Brandon likes to get his name out there for career purposes. Living with Brandon was much less stressful than the prior encounter. Brandon is a great guy who has a heart for children and for serving others. We were not best friends just due to our difference in proclivities, but I am honored to call him friend and hope to continue in that friendship.
In September, Matt and I found a place we liked and moved back in together since his apartment lease ran up and living by himself was not all he had desired for. We also took on a third roommate named Russell Matthews who was one of my good friends and former college roommate. The house is absolutely amazing and I hope that you will come spend some time with us as we do have an open door policy there. The deck alone is worth the trip out.
This does not adequately summarize everything that has happened in the past eight months but I have to breathe and I have to get back to work. If you would like to keep up with my daily trappings, you can follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/UTKevDawg and you can check out my running commentary of the last presidential debate here (#NOPBR08 is a tag to help keep all the thoughts in one easily searchable place).

Please check back in as I have some good stuff stored up and ready to go so posts will be more frequent. I should have some posts up soon about God, Relationships, and Politics.

COEXIST...grrrrrrrrrrr

It seems the latest car fashion is to affix a bumper sticker with various religious symbols managing to spell out the word "COEXIST." There are a lot of things that disturb me about this trend. I will start with the least of my worries and move to the stuff that is just driving me nuts.

It appears that these bumper stickers and their owners are taking a shot across the bow of organized religion. I do not have a problem with that. I can only speak for Christianity, but religion could use a good shake up because they have become to fastened to rules that are not explicitly spelled out while forgetting the two major rules that are: Love God, Love your neighbor. But here is my problem: These people seem to suggest that people of faith are failing to get along. I don't see the average Christian punching a Muslim while waiting in line for a movie, or a Jew keying a car that has a Jesus fish on it, or Buddhist running a cattle farm next to a Hindu temple. Don't get me wrong, I am well enlightened to the problems in the Middle East, Islamo-Fascists, wackos (I refuse to associate these pricks as Christians) protesting military funerals and other things organized religion is doing to hurt people. However, unless you want to take your little Toyota Prius and drive it around Saudi Arabia, Israel/Palestine, or Kansas, your peaceful protest is doing jack squat.

But I think the real thing that bothers me is the self-righteous hypocrisy of it all. A good percentage of these well-to-do folks seem to have other items plastered to their car that do not indicate they are willing to co-exist. I have seen so many cars with the COEXIST sticker and a Darwin fish. A daggum Darwin Fish! What is wrong with that? Well first, I admittedly think Darwin's theory has been shown to come short and should still be considered theory instead of fact (just to let you know my perspective). I think the people who have them are wrong but entitled to their beliefs just like people of every faith are. However, the Darwin fish is deliberately antagonistic. It basically is a mockery of the Jesus fish, a known Christian symbol. Now I am not one who is offended by many things or even this particular issue. I just think it is retarded to tell others to COEXIST while you are essentially deliberately giving the middle finger to Christianity specifically as well as a belief in creationism, a view widely held by many of the same religions you are telling to get along.

Other ridiculous items I have seen on the same cars as COEXIST: bumper stickers suggesting meat eaters should be confined, tortured, and shot; stickers calling for the death, yes death, of President Bush; support for Hamas - a known terrorist group openly bent on the destruction of the Jews; and a bumper sticker saying "Now that I'm born, I'm pro-choice" (I disagree with the statement but it is clever).

All I am saying is that if you are going to suggest or demand that religions get along, even though you most likely have not a taken a good look at why they theological disagree, you should at least represent yourself as one who is willing to get along with other people instead of trying to antagonize them with your other hateful, although not religious, messages.

EDIT: I understand this might come across as a bit harsh and it does not help that tone is difficult to convey in print. However, I assure you that I am not upset and would not attempt to scratch one of these silly bumper stickers off. But if you stop and think about it, you certainly have to chuckle at the irony of it all.

Updated Status

So much has happened since my previous post. I fully intended to post something by the end of the year and then forgot how hectic the Christmas season can be. Since last posting, I moved out of my apartment after living there for about two-and-a-half years. Our lease ended and my roommate decided he had never lived by himself and wanted the opportunity to. Don't worry we are still great friends and may end up living together towards the end of the year. In January I moved in with this guy and it turned out to be a real hassle. It was apparent from the get go that he was not as prepared as he thought to have a roommate and after three weeks he finally disclosed this and asked me to leave. I will be out by the end of this month although as of today, I am not 100-percent where (although I have some promising leads). I think it will be for the best because I have never had a roommate who was so ignorant to his own selfishness. I don't hate the guy, he is just young and a product of his immaturity which I am confident he will grow out of, as most people do, and will develop into a great guy. I just caught him at a bad time and at this point and I am not going to extend myself to be cordial after the hassle he has created in my life at a time when I have been in great need of rest.
I am very anxious to move on in life and am having trouble being patient. I want to buy a house that I can be responsible for and do home repairs, I want to get a dog for companionship and to keep me entertained, and I would like to meet my wife (admittedly for the same reason as the dog but on a much deeper level haha). God is constantly shining insight into my life and I am struggling to keep up with all he is trying to teach me about myself, His love and grace, and what He is trying to use me for.
On another note, and the reason for my last teaser: I finally got a Counseling job! I am still working at my old job (though I was promoted to a much better position in September) but I hope to make a full transition into Counseling and teaching by the end of the year. I am working to build my clientel base but it is slow going. By the way you can find my new Counseling Center here.
Also, while I will intermingle personal tidbits on here from time to time, I want to get back to my original purpose for this blog and that is to share thoughts and discussions. So please feel free to interact with responses and ideas. Hope to here from y'all soon.

25 Going On 80

My aging began last night. I prepared for the next day and had set my alarm to wake up early so I could go running. I even told my friend that I had to sign off the internet so I could get my 40-winks in. I went to bed feeling healthy and excited that I had motivated myself to turn in so early.

At some ungodly hour I woke up and felt a cramp in my foot. I changed my sleeping position and went back to dreamland. When I woke up at my scheduled time to go running my little cramp had turned into intense pain. I knew a) I would not be running b) I needed find a podiatrist to see me before the closing bell. I found one to see me in the afternoon so I limped to work. Work sucked because not only was I in pain but now all my co-workers wanted the skinny on what happened. "Rhino stepped on me" was popular substitute for "I'm not just gritting my teeth in pain so take a hint and buzz off." Advice: offer to get a hurt person a cup of water or find a way to help before you get a good story. It is more likely to come off like you care.

I hobbled into the doctor's office (you know it is bad when an elderly man offers you his walker. I promise I did not make that up), flirted with the 40+ year old nurses, made jokes with the doctor, and found out I have Gout. Mmm fun. For some reason reminds me of tiling. Got a prescription for arthritis medicine, left the doctor, blamed my parents for bad genetics and the worlds problems, picked up lunch. When I got home I found that I could use my golf putter as a cane. Sat around with my feet propped up trying to decide if I was too hot or too cold.

Eventually I mustered up the strength to run to the drug store using my new found putter-cane to walk around. I found it would only take 10-minutes to get my order filled so how did I kill the time? Blood pressure machine. Got my meds and complained about prescription drug costs. I somehow eased my way into my car and leaned over the steering wheel to take pressure off my foot.

When I got home I reflected on how I had aged. Pain, flirting with 40-year olds to make me feel young, taking arthritis medicine, used a cane, checked my blood pressure while waiting for a prescription, and then leaned over the steering wheel while driving. So while I am 25 I had the behaviors, mannerisms, and aches of an 80 year old and the maturity of a ten year old. I think the only thing I did not do was make a grilled cheese sandwich and yell at the raucous youth. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Nightline: Atheism vs. Theism

Recently there was televised debate between Atheists and Christians on ABC's Nightline. It was very worth while watching. You can catch the debate in broken up segments at: http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex

I think both sides made very good and well thought out points. I think both sides failed to directly answer the questions or arguments posed to them and both sides failed the other to respond effectively. While I think Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron are well meaning and good hearted individuals, I do not think they were the best for a scientific debate on God but at least they rose to the challenge and I do think their love of Christ was shown compassionately and not fundementally.

If you have read my blogs before you know I think atheism is the most foolish venture because absence of proof is not proof of absence and I have had an experiential relationship with the living God.

That being said, my heart was broken by the attitudes of the atheists making the arguments and the people in the crowd. Kelly violently chose the possibility of Hell over the possibility of one day with a "megalomaniac" for a God. Now I understand Kelly could speak that in ignorance because a lack of belief in God is also a lack of belief in Satan. But she said that statement when asked what would happen if she was theoretically wrong. If she bought into the theory of there actually being a God and Satan, why would one chose to reject God in favor of Satan. She spoke of injustices attributed to God but if God is a "megalomaniac" and called good how much worse is Satan? Why ever choose him?

I was hurt even more by the mocking and jeers from audience members. I was not hurt because I was offended or I found it rude, I was hurt because I know they are lost and broken and the one thing that can pull them out is the one thing they reject.

power. Biochemist Michael Atheists put so much stock into re-workable scientific theories and tend to believe that Earth and life was created out of a succession of remarkable chances. However, the random probability of life being simply born out of chance requires a lot more faith than belief in God. Mathematically, for one protein molecule to randomly form is a chance of one in 10 to the 65thBehe said that the possibility of linking together enough amino acids properly to create just one of many protein molecules to sustain life would be comparable to asking a blindfolded man to find one marked grain of sand in the Sahara Desert. Three separate times.*

I don't know exactly why atheists are atheists. Perhaps it is because they have been so hurt or wounded that they do not want to believe there is a god that allowed something to happen to them. Perhaps they are so turned off by the admittedly messed up system religion has become. Perhaps they are like I was and do not want to believe a god is holding them accountable for the actions they know are wrong. But I do not think it is safe for any atheist to say that science out rules the chance of there being a creator and God.

I am not a great debater or an expert but if you have any questions please feel free to ask them and I will do my best to answer them. Grace and Peace.

*http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/fte/darwinism/chapter6.html

Dr. Lock?

I have had ambitions to get to get my PhD or PsyD for quite a while. Back in January I received my MA in Counseling and swore I would not being going back to school for a really long time. The list of things I want to do before 30 is quit extensive and truthfully getting a PhD or PsyD was not on there. I wanted to get married or turn 30 before embarking on that small adventure.

But recently I have grown discontent with my current situation. I am still working at the ethical complaint call center I was at in grad school while looking for my first paid counseling job. Because I am not doing any counseling I cannot make any great strides towards getting licensed and because I am not licensed it makes it more difficult to get a counseling job. I am single, so marriage is not in the real near future. Furthermore, over half of the books I read now pertain to some aspect of counseling or psychology.

As a result of where I am in life, I have begun to seriously take a look into going back to school and get my doctorate. I have started to look at various programs as well as talked to people who have recently completed their doctorate or are currently working on it. If I wanted to get started, I probably couldn't until Fall 2008.

Part of my motivation to get my doctorate right now is that I am really not doing anything else so I might as well be making pathways in my future. But I am torn. Part of me believes I am running away from the current hum drum of my life to something that would at least keep me busy. I think I should try to get some more work experience and make headway into my career before going back to school. The other part of me worries that if I wait, I will miss out on a window opportunity and later on in life I will want to get my PhD or wish I had it. Unfortunately I may be at a point in life that does not give me the time or resources to complete my degree.

I think it is going to be a crap shoot either way and at some point I have to roll the dice. I would be interested to get your thoughts. I am not looking for you to direct my life but maybe to just hit me with some thoughts I currently can't conjure up.

Planet Earth

If you have not been made aware, the Discovery Channel started an eleven episode series called 'Planet Earth.' Take note, it comes on Sundays at 8:00 pm. It is quite possibly the most amazing nature show I have ever seen in my life. Just a quick plug.

Watching the show reminded of how often I forget to see God's majesty in the little things. To my knowledge, the show was not created by Christians or with any sort of religious angle but I could not watch it and not think about God.

One of the first thing the show points out is how perfectly the planet is placed in the universe. It is not to close to the sun, where we might be using a lot more sunscreen, and it is not to far away, where we would have to robe ourselves in a dead Yeti to stay warm. Perfectly placed. Because God had a plan for this planet. Of all the other planets in our universe, there is no other sign of life and yet here on Earth we find it abundantly.

Romans 1:20 says "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - His eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

I think people may still be permitted to argue about the nuances of religious thought but I look at the world around me; the perfect placement of Earth, the cycle of life in the seasons, the tiny formed micro organisms and cells that build and maintain life; and I say, how can one not find reason to believe there is a creator who orchestrated all of this?

May you, in your search, find Him. The Author of Life.

Go USA!

Over the weekend I had bunch of random thoughts that would would take too long for you to follow but the end result was how much the face of America has changed and is portrayed in American cinema.

I am a proud child of the 80's which was a decade full of terrible fashion, worse haircuts, and the dawn of the computer age. But one thing the 80's was also fraught with was the Cold War. Now I was very young and at the time did not understand the dynamics of it but I do know this: Russia and the Soviet Union were some bad mama jamas who Reagan helped to instill national pride for America by showing how much better we were and how many more nukes we had.

You can find no better time capsule of this than in American movies where you had movies like Red Dawn, Rocky IV, Invasion USA, Rambo III and others. In Red Dawn America is invaded by the Commies from the USSR and Cuba. A group of Colorado teenagers flee to the mountains and like the Maccabees of Judea, rained hell fire in the form of guerrilla warfare. In Rocky IV the Italian Stallion Rocky Balboa takes on an entire country by fighting their biggest baddest dude and pounding the sickle out of him. Lil' Stallone takes down the towering Dolph Lundren and conquers the hearts of the Soviets. Invasion USA has the Russians once again blindsiding our borders and Chuck Norris (chucknorrisfacts.com) takes them down one by one ending with shooting a rocket up the bunghole of the evil mastermind. Do I need to explain Rambo III? Insert Rambo into a Communist Regime, people die. The end result, if the Soviets try anything, America will still lay the boot to their A. We saw a threat and faced it head on.

Today is a different story. We are in a whole new fight. A deadlier one that has already seen American casualties in both civilian and military sectors. But there is not a movie in recent years I can think of where a hero goes ape-sh-t on a bunch of Muslim terrorists. The closest thing we have is Jack Bauer in 24 and even that tiptoes. Instead we have movies showing how it is all America's fault so we should hang our head in shame and instead of fighting to defend our way of life we should instead learn to understand them.

Right about now there are so many rants I could go on but I don't want to go so political here just yet (a hint though, political correctness has run amok). My point of this is that I believe America has lost its pride in itself. Instead of banding together, we are so divided. My question for anyone who want to play along it this: What do you think America needs to do to become the jewel of our eye and the pride of our hearts? Are you already there? What is the furthest you would go to defend it if you had to?

Welcome/Update

Welcome to my new blog. If you are looking over to the right and notice it looks like a long web page, please do not be intimidated. I transferred my previous blogs onto here from myspace.com only recently, this way you do not need any sort of account to engage in my blog. So take your time and enjoy.

To begin with I did not start this blog with the intention of having a spot for any sort of egotistical rant. Rather I hope that if nothing else you will stay updated on my life or thoughts, make comments, and in turn I can make stay up with you. I hope it will be a chance to share thoughts and ideas with people you have never met as you read their comments. I hope it will create a small community (as you will soon see is a running theme in my blogs). So I highly encourage you to post any thoughts you have with anything that is on here or that gets posted in the future.

I think my last major update went out about two and a half years ago. After that if you were not living in Charlotte I probably for the most part lost touch with you. So I will quickly bring you up to speed:

The reason why I have been out of touch for the last little bit is because I got hid over the head with a major task called grad school. On January 12, 2007, I graduated from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary with a MA in Christian Counseling (don't let the label fool you, I am just as qualified to psycho-analyze you if you believe in Shiva, Allah, or nothing at all). And for those keeping record at home I am officially MasterLock.

I completed my degree a full semester faster than most people do on a fast track at a school where the average age was 35. I also did it while graduating Cum Laude (3.63). I do not say all that to congratulate myself, but with the exception of my Eagle Scout Award, it is my proudest accomplishment to date.

And that was pretty much all I have done in the last two and a half years. During that time I did various internships, worked at Department of Social Services (insert political commentary and expletives here), and bottomed out on my finances and energy twice. Now I am looking for a job doing counseling hopefully with Marriage and Families or with adolescence. When I find that job, I will work on getting licensed in the state I am working in. I am looking, so if you know anyone...

I am still single, no kids, I don't think I have any nieces or nephews. My parents moved out of Atlanta after 17 years and are now living in New Bern, North Carolina as the proud owners of an AAMCO franchise.

Please check back in regularly as I hope to get at least a blog out each week with an update or my thoughts on something. I like to pretend I am the know-all to end-all so please humble me with your own thoughts on anything I might talk about. I know human personality will be discussed but I hope to get some controversial ideas out just get conversation stimulated. Also if you have any ideas, shoot me an email and I will try to post my thoughts.

The idea here is to journey deeper, not just into my thoughts but below the surface, to draw each other out like water from a well.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Self-Help, Self-Sized Hole

Yesterday I found myself perusing the aisles of my local bookstore. I decided to wander over to the Psychology section of the book store to see if there were any new books I wanted to check out to advance my learning now that I am no longer required to anymore. Not surprisingly, the Psychology section is right next to the Self-Help section. As I browsed through my section and then moved onto to other more entertaining sections in the store, my gaze was constantly drawn back to the Self-Help aisle and I watched person after person pick up various books.

The Self-Help section is a curious thing in itself. On the shelves one can find help on anything from dating to weight loss to counseling to becoming better leader, lover, friend, or parent. Each author claims to be at the forefront of the field and many boast a PhD. There are so many troubling things here I don't even know where to begin.

I should start by saying that nobody is beyond the Self-Help section and almost everyone has bought a book from there or took advice from someone who got it from there. But who are we trusting to tell us how to lead our lives. John Gray? For those unfamiliar with this class act, he wrote Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I know some of you are thinking that I should shut up because his book sold over a million copies. P.T. Barnum has been quoted as saying, "there is a sucker born every minute." John Gray is metaphor spitting crackpot who I would not be surprised to learn may have ruined more marriages than he saved. Have you read his junk? I have. His big break down of marriages is that they are in trouble simply because men and women communicate differently, which as true as it is, does not set the bedrock for improving a failing marriage. He has taken a good concept and turned it into the end-all to be-all. And that PhD that give him credibility is from a school that you get your PhD through the mail by writing a paper. Little Billy in the third grade could get his PhD from there. And John Gray is just one example in the Self-Help section. If he is at the top, think about what else you are reading from there.

Despite my critical analysis of the credibility of the Self-Help books, I think my problem with them goes deeper. I think my problem with Self-Help books is that they are made available to someone with a legitimate hurt or need and convinces them that their book is the solution. I kid you not when I tell you that I once met someone who was reading a book on leadership because people did not listen to him. The book was giving him advice on asserting himself and creative ways to present himself. The problem was if you were around the guy for more than two seconds you would find him to be bossy and over assertive. He did not know how to lead people because he was listening to a book instead of the people who needed him to be a leader.

Which actually brings me to my next point. Self-Help books imply that you can do it yourself and you don't need any help from the people you interact with on a daily basis. But that is not how God created us to be. God created us to be relational, community oriented people. In the Scriptures, God is the ultimate source of counsel and counseling. But God also places people in our lives to convey a message. Whether it is a message of hope, inspiration, leadership, purpose, or goals God will give you answers directly or through someone else. I cannot stress how important I believe community is to healthy functioning. Even if community consists of one other person in your life, it is better than being alone with an author who does not know your past and proclivities. We have been trained like Pavlovian dogs to turn away from community in times of despair instead of allowing community to embrace us. We have become embarrassed to show weakness and insecure in our selves. But God and community are the very things that have the chance to set us free in our struggles

So in closing, put down the book. It does not know you and has created a blanket answer that does not take your specific circumstances into account. Instead of running to the Self-Help section, take a moment, humble yourself, and realize you were not meant to journey through this life alone. Pick up the phone and call a friend, or email someone you trust. Share your struggle with them and listen to what they have to say. Hit a wall with one friend? Try another. Just don't give up. Talking to people builds up the community and support. Try getting the author of that book to call you once a week to see how you are doing. And if you run out of personal resources or are not getting the help you need, get some counseling. Most Counselors are trained to help you lead a better life and aid you through the tough circumstances you are dealing with.

My prayer for you:
May God be your source of comfort and peace. May He direct you in your ways and place the people in your life to be wise sages. May He provide you the answers in your searches or the contentment when you are not ready for the answer. May He guide you to fulfillment in Him and give you a restful heart. Amen.

My Journey to Hell (aka the Mall)

I should start this off by saying that on an average year I only visit the mall once. And that one time is either spent buying a Christmas gift for my mom or taking care of turning in cable/internet components. In both cases I have looked online, pulled up a mall map and planed my trip out to avoid minimal parking lot traffic, perfume counters, and teenie boppers.

Last week one of my friends bought me a gift certificate to a designer shoe store for my graduation. I sorely needed a pair of brown shoes and Wal-mart did not have anything (yes, sadly I looked there first). While the gift was really nice and thoughtful it has recently thrown my life into a materialistic free fall. With the exception of a pair of jeans, a pair of khakis, some socks, and some underwear, I have pretty much avoided buying new clothes for roughly five years.

This weekend my roommate dragged me to the mall to look at some shoes I could get and see if there was anything he wanted. It was ok. At least I had a guide. The kid has some good fashion sense (and if you stand next to him long enough he will tell you all about it). I feel bad for the guy because I don't reflect him well with my simple wear (probably actually magnify him a bit). I found some shoes I like but even with the gift certificate I would still have to shell out some big bucks and I wanted to sleep on it. Matt found some designer jeans.

Today when I got off work I was thinking about getting some coffee but was too worn down for caffeine so I got the idea to go get those shoes I had checked out. I had the pants I normally wear to work so I could make sure they went together. I went tot the mall. By myself. On the way into the parking lot the two cars in front of me nearly killed each other as one wasn't paying attention turning in, the other swerved around and nearly took out an entire median. I was alive. So far so good.

I quickly found the shoe store (mapped it) and asked to try on the shoes I had found over the weekend. Uh oh. While the shoes looked great and went well with the coloring in my pants, my pants were to short and could not be let out. So if I bought the shoes, I would need new pants. My roommate has also put me in the mentality of if I get the shoes I have to get some shirts to complement them.

So I sadly returned the shoes to the box and began to go to try to find some pants. Lesson one: malls are expensive. Lesson two: the longer you stay in one, the longer you want to dress like the pale motionless folks who willingly stand in a store window.

I went around to a few stores starting with department stores because I figured I could knock out a few items at once and they would be cheaper (myth). To begin with, to get to the men's section (oddly placed at the back) I had to walk through the dreaded perfume/make-up counters. I felt saddened as I passed woman after woman being smeared with paint looking more like Ms. Potato Head than Marilyn Monroe.

On my journey to one store I passed a girl giving out samples. I kindly refused thinking she was offering food, which my expanding gut did not need in a building of skinny people. She quickly put down the tray and wanted to ask me a question. Hoping it was trivia (because I love that type of stuff) I foolishly agreed. She asked if I took care of my hands. Thinking it a strange question and not quite catching the cut of her jib I informed her that I was clearly a male, poorly dressed (so not gay or metro), and like camping, so conclusively not. She took my hand and began scrubbing one of my fingers with some spongy thing. She then began to tell me about ridges causing broken nails (never been a problem) and dead cuticle skin (nothing teeth can't solve). Before I knew what had happened she had finished her speech and I could see my reflection in my nail. She then began to ask about my face and began to walk away fearing I was going to get make-up put on me next.

I eventually got out of the mall after being there almost an hour and half which is one hour and 28 minutes longer than I have ever been in a mall by myself before. The end result: no shoes, a new need for pants and shirts, lowered self esteem, and one finger nail that looks ready to go to prom. Oye Vey!

The Story of the Disapearing Klock

There have been a lot of people who I have not been in contact with over the past few weeks and months. Some of you have sent messages and I have yet to respond and some of you I have in the past kept up with on here in the past but have been really bad about checking in.

The reason why is because things here are a lil' nuts right now. I am currently preparing for the most difficult 57 days I have had to endure. Why 57? Because that is how many days I have left to get all of my work turned in for graduation. If I do not have all my work complete by December 15th, 2006, I cannot officially graduate until May 2007. If I do not graduate until May then that is five months I have to sit on my duff doing nothing while in the meantime I cannot prepare or get hours to count towards state licensure or apply for jobs under the pretense of having my Masters.

So what do I have to complete before December 15? Well, I am glad you asked. I currently have to read a minimum of 4 1/2 assigned books plus whatever books I need for my research paper. I have to write a 20 page research paper on Calvinism vs. Armenianism, write an 8 page opinion paper on the importance of the quest for the historical Jesus, write 4 book reviews on books I have read, and prepare for and take 4 exams. This is surprisingly the easy part. I really do not think I will miss the deadline there and am not really too stressed out about it.
The difficult part comes in that I have to complete 85 face-to-face counseling hours in addition to roughly 60 administrative hours. 85 hours is going to be tough to drum up while the 60 should be no problem. It has taken me 48 days to get 35 face-to-face hours so this not going to be a small feat. I am working with various other counselors to get clients or sit in on sessions, which will count for my face-to-face hours, but I still need 85 of them.

Meanwhile I am doing all of this while working a full-time job because I have to qualify for benefits so I can get my aching neck and back looked at. I also have to provide for myself because my parents moved and are in absolute chaos and pandemonium. So quitting my job is not an option because my parents (who I don't like to rely on for money anyways) said even if they wanted to, they could not bail me out financially if I get in trouble.

So to recap: lots of school work, lots of internship hours, full-time job, and coo-coo parents.

I say all that to say I am sorry for not keeping up but it is only going to get worse until December 15th so I would appreciate your prayers and support. And while I may only get limited chances to respond, I still appreciate reading messages. Please check in on December 15th to see if I made it or not. It will be an exciting guessing game and I highly encourage placing your bets in Vegas now.

Ta-ta for now,
Kevin

Quarter-Life Crisis

The other day I turned 25. You can read my other blog (Blowin out the Candles) to get a little more insight. This is a two-parter though they can be read in any order.

I am currently undergoing a little quarter-life crisis. I know that there are some folks on here that are older than me who have been through it or are still dealing with some of the issues I am going to share but just because you went through it, doesnt make it any easier on me.

I have been going to school straight for 19 years now from kindergarten through my second, and last year of grad school. I have not had time to slow down. K-12 I was forced to go. But shortly after becoming a Christian, God laid my purpose before me and I have been gunning for it ever since. I will hopefully be done in December with my MA in Counseling. 19 ½ years of school will be complete and I dont anticipate going for my PhD in the near future. It has been a long tough road and many, many sacrifices have been made a long the way. But the end is site. However, issues now arise as to what I do when I get done. Do I take a break? Do I move? What is out there for me?

I am also not spiritually where I would like to be. I suppose I will always desire to be in deeper relationship with Jesus. But I dont get to my Bible as often as I desire to. I dont memorize Scripture verses very well. I often feel stuck in my prayer and devotional life. And I have an all around desire to serve God with my gifts more that I have been. I wish that I can be a better witness.

As I spoke in my other blog, I have been missing out on good community for a good little while and I am craving to get it back in my life. But I am kind of stuck. There are people along the way that I have met who are good people but I am not going to trust them with my core which I believe to be essential for good community. They have said or done things that have sent up red flags all over the place that make me not want to share a lot of personal stuff with them because they either are gossipers, or they only give advice, or the worst being those who in more-or-less words tell me that I shouldnt be feeling what I am feeling or completely negate my feelings (a. screw them, b. hopefully you are not them). So I shoot myself in the foot and dont develop community.

Another big (actually huge) issue is my relationship with women, or lack there of. My friends know the back story and consequently my excuses. I am not going to broadcast them out there but know that they are there and if you are interested you can ask me at anytime. Like I said, I am an open book. Friends that know about everything and havent been in touch for a while, it would be worth getting an update as reflection night brought on some new revelations.

As I approached 25 I could feel the dread coming on knowing that there were so many things I wanted to do and had not yet done. And yet I still could not find a way to get to them. I swear if I am at the same place at 30 I am joining a monastery or shooting myself. I suppose part of the dilemma is that I imagined myself being at a very different place by 25. I thought I would be more successful in what I was doing, married, thinner, and in a better groove. Instead my body is battered with one injury after another, my mind is shot from all the reading I have done and still have to do, I am single (see the above paragraph), I have been in school so not earning great income, and my emotions are neglected.

There is so much more that I could add but I am getting drained. I think I need to temper my expectations in a lot of areas so that I will not be as disappointed at 30 as I am at 25. God has blessed me so much and often times I feel as if I take His blessings and never use them.

Blowin’ out the Candles

The other day I turned 25. The problem with this blog is that I don't know where to go from here because there is so much to say at once. I have to divide it up into two blogs.

Since my move to Charlotte I think I have been missing the community I had in college. I crave community. I was talking to my best friend the other day and he knows and understands my hurt. I have been living here two years now and do not have anyone I could call a close confidant or friend. I have friends (and for my Charlotte friends, know I love you deeply) but I doubt if polled any of them could say that they truly know me intimately like my college brothers did in half the time. Perhaps part of that is a failing on my part. Perhaps I haven't pressed people as much as I should have to get to know them or perhaps because I am working on counseling, every time I have tried to get to know someone they feel like they are getting psychoanalyzed (trust me, I much too lazy for that) and distance themselves. But ask my friends, I am an open book. Ask and I share.

This lack of community became apparent as I celebrated my 25th birthday in a Caribou, by myself, with a school book and then went home and sat on my porch for reflection as I stared at the woods behind my apartment. I am not a big flash and dance guy and long ago gave up on the importance of my birthday passing my 16th, 18th, and 21st with little more than a check from Grandma to remind me. It became so unimportant that I actually did forget my birthday one year until my mom reminded me that night. It has become just another typical day. The past two years I have gone to work, come home, done some things around the apartment or read and then went to bed. I want to stop my harping for a minute and thank everyone who sent me a myspace or facebook message and hope that I individually thanked each one of you. I think my biggest issue is that when I already feel like I am missing out on community and craving it, the depths of my despair becomes amplified by the silent phone and the stillness of the woods as I was reflecting. That is in addition to my quarter-life crisis (see Quarter-Life Crisis blog). I think sometimes it is nice to feel celebrated and because I try not to be a selfish person, my birthday is the only day I would even see it as appropriate for me.

I hope after reading this you (as the reader) are not feeling like I am angry or that you should feel pity. That is not what I am trying to evoke. Sure it saddens me. But I am not angry. I suppose more than anything, I want to be bare before you and let know a little bit more of me. And here is the beautiful part, the redeeming factor in this blog. As alone as I felt last week, I was not alone at all. Jesus Christ loves me. And I do not say that passively or go through some sort of verbal yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean I really know that He loves me and though life may not turn out as I would wish it too, He has spared me from so much additional hurt and sorrow and has filled my life abundantly. He puts people in just the right spot at just the right time. My joy rests in Him even when I feel down or unimportant. I hope that if He is not at your center that you will make Him so. Live for and crave this joy in Him. If you are unsure of how, please talk with me or a group of committed believers who will love you while they talk to you.

It is in His Grace and Peace and Love I hope you reside.

Wonderous Mystery

It is a shame that we do not remember being infants. Think of the joy of remembering our first steps or forming our first real word or sentence that made sense. I would love to feel that astonishment and joy. Or to discover little things for the first time that we take for granted today like what dirt feels like, or what a dog looks like, or a plane flying.

I first thought of this about a year ago when a friend's child was first learning to talk. I was holding him and he looked at the sky and suddenly got really excited shrieking "plane! plane!' And I couldn't understand at first why he was so excited. I wrote my thoughts down on a post it note and re-discovered it last night and it holds just as much for me today as it did then. I began to think that part of our problem today is that we are no longer amazed by much in the world around us.

Our faith can be like that sometimes and we get further and further from our date of salvation we can often forget what it was like to be truly lost and then to learn bit by bit who God was and how forgiven we are.

Or speaking to the non-believer (some believers too): we become so enmeshed into our world that we no longer have the chance to step back and be surprised. Everything that we want explained has either been explained by someone or dumbed down for us so we don't have to spend much time thinking about anything. But I would confess that very little has been explained. Take for example your elbow. Most people can bend it back and forth without much effort. It takes little thought and the movement is so fluid that it seems to just happen. Now some scientist out there could discuss the firing of neural synapses that leads to muscle contraction which allows for the bone to rotate. But how did those unrelated things become connected? How did we suddenly know how to bend our elbow? Why, with all the technology that we have today, has that fluid movement not been replicated in a non-biological creation or even those biological manifestations that humans have made? Think about it a bit and then ask is there another answer. Is there a God who encourages us not to take a simple answer but to ask questions and in return, sometimes be left with no answer but just amazement?

Today, go out and re-capture your infancy. Look at the world in new ways and ask "why" and "how." But most of all, allow the thought that you might never know. Go and be amazed again.

First Time

The other day I was doing a favor for a friend of mine. He is a mid-high youth minister and is taking his 6th grade students on a retreat this weekend. I went with him to pick up the vans so that he could get them back to the church. After dropping off the vans he turns to me and says, "Kevin I need one more favor out of you. I need somebody to fill in for me on Sunday morning back here at the church."

Oh wow!

Basically after the early morning service I have to take the 7th and 8th grade students, whom I have never met before, and conduct youth group for them. Now the good thing is I was given a topic. I am going to be using this Nooma video (if you have never seen these, they are 15 minute topical vignettes and are really cool and well produced) and then build a discussion and lesson about forgiveness.

I have often thought about one day doing youth ministry in some capacity but with graduate school, I have never had the time to even volunteer. So here I am getting ready to lead youth group for the very first time with 35-70 kids that I have never met before. I typically don't have a problem with public speaking but I am nervous as all get out.

Future Plans

In December of 2006 I will be graduating with my MA in Counseling. People have told me over and over again the biggest regret that they have had was that they never did anything big when they were done with school so I have been thinking about doing something. I am still young, healthy and currently not in a a relationship. What will I do? Probably nothing. I will work on getting a job and moving to wherever, becoming another person with regrets.
However some ideas that I have been kicking around (all have certain conditions):

Idea number 1:
This is the big one. I have been thinking about doing it for at least two months. The conditions are that I need the money, my shoulders need to be healthy, and I need a TON of planning.
I would like to hike from Charlotte to Seattle. Why Seattle? Well my best friend Mike lives out there for one so it is a place to go. I would depart Charlotte and hike. No hitch-hiking, no highways, all backroads, and no hotels (unless it is an emergency). I would hike as far as I could each day and when I was getting tired I would stop at someones house and ask if I could pitch a tent on their property and re-charge my phone in their house. I would also be filming a documentary so I would have a video camera and interview each person that let me stay. It would be a great view across America. I would get some quality time with God and always have a story.

Idea number 2:
Conditions would be purely financial and would help if someone would go with me. Go visit another country and tour around for a little bit or even live in another country for a little while. Not sure exactly where. Definatly not England because I have relatives there and have been there enough. Maybe India, I really like the stuff I have seen about that country and am often intrigued by the culture. It seems like a really neat place.

Idea number 3:
Go on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ. I really like college ministry. However not growing up in a Christian home did not leave me with an extended list of people that I could comfortably go to and ask for support. Plus I am terrible about asking other people for money. I always feel bad about doing it. I don't even ask my parents for money.

Idea number 4:
Conditions are acceptance and money. I would go and get my doctorate in Psychology or Counseling. If I could go to Stanford or University of Washington and get my PhD under Irvin Yalom or John Gottman I would do it in a heartbeat. Both are very liberal schools but I think I could choke it down to learn under them. Both are in cool cities and I could have my PhD before the age of 29.

I would love any feedback. More ideas may come but I told Mike today that on a scale of 1-10 with 1 = joking, and 10 = 100% doing it, I am currently about a 6-7 doing idea number one. If all three of the earlier mentioned conditions were met, weather permitting, I would leave on the morning of Jan 1, 2007

New Territory

Well I finally I did it! I left my job at The Department of Social Services! After working there a few days shy of a year I turned in my two week notice, used a week of built up vacation time, and today was my last day. It was kinda of sad/neat to see a little of the impact I was able to have on people. I have seen people leave before me without much fanfare but my team brought breakfast for me, some folks I eat lunch with got me a huge cake, and people talked all day about how much they were going to miss me and how I made the day go by easier with my good sense of humor. I don't say that to toot my own horn, I was just really honored and humbled because folks don't usually tell me that type of stuff to my face.

Now what next? Well the primary reason I left was because I have a really tough semester in my graduate program and so I am going to scrape by and concentrate on school and hopefully an internship. I need to do some part time work and have a possibility lined up getting people free estimates for gutters and siding. The pay is really good but I feel a little uncomfortable about the idea. Another possibility is window washing and power washing driveways and such. My best friend introduced me to this idea while I was in Seattle and I spoke with his boss about what it would take. It is feasible there has been enough interest from co-workers that I might be able to jump on it. (By the way thanks Mike to you and Courtney for such a great time and great hospitality, really, I'm indebted).

I guess it is a little scary right now. I know God has my best interest and this is only temporary (unless business really takes off washing). But I have lost steady income and healthcare in one swoop. My parents said that if I get in a jam they will help out. However I don't want it to come to this for two reasons: first I HATE taking money/gifts from other people. I just feel awful doing it and is something I have had a hard time getting over. The second reason is that if I accept the money then I have accepted failure. I succeed in most things I do and all though this is completely new, I don't want to say I couldn't cut it.