It is just after 4:30 on Valentine's day. Despite the fact that I slept in today and the strong cup of Black English tea by my side, I am still shaking off the fog in my head. My mind typically moves so fast but it is in these times that I am forced to slow down as my mind spends a little extra time trying to kick start itself. This is also the time when I feel like God penetrates my mind the most.
As I mentioned earlier, it is Valentine's day. Ooh perhaps I should hammer that home for myself one more time. Currently I am sitting by myself in Starbucks trying to get some work done and just not finding the motivation.
Even though these are the moments God is speaking to me, it is also the times the Devil is trying to impale me with his full onslaught of lies. Here is the rundown so far. See if any of them sound familiar. (1) No one cares what I have to say (working on this note and my blogs). (2) I have nothing to offer and if I never attempted to contact my friends again I would be quickly forgotten because no one cares enough to reach out to me. (3) I am destined to live the rest of my life alone and unloved. (4) Because of the rotten person I am, the previous three are warranted and I deserve nothing more. (5) I am failure. I do not prepare enough to share my gift that God has provided professionally and in my friendships (6) Bringing my complaints to God is fruitless because I am only reaching out to him during the lonely times and don't care enough to spend more time with him during the times that he provides for me.
What a crappy way to spend a Saturday right? Well remember, I said this is the time that God is speaking to me. The Devil is constantly on his bullhorn shouting this condemnation. Digging his wretched fingers into wounds he cut and carved into my past. And while the Devil is loud, God is clear.
Here is what God is saying to me today: (1) He has put words in my heart and in my mouth. Sometimes they are intended for a lot of people, sometimes just one person. And sometimes He wants me to write things out so I can read it back and He can speak into me. Just writing that realization floods my heart. (2) I have been blessed with a tremendous group of friends. But the times that I am not with them is sometimes God giving them or me a break to individually spend time with him. As much as I love my friends, I should take advantage of this time more often. Just because they do not call, does not mean they don't care or if it is that much of a concern and they really do not care then I should find people that will. (3) This is huge. While I feel destined for companionship, a lack of it should never leave me feeling unloved. Jesus has demonstrated time and time again His love for me. I am deeply loved. I am deeply and compassionately loved and understood. I am deeply and compassionately and patiently and sacrificially loved and understood. (4) I may never understand why or how completely but I can trust in God's Word and know convincingly that nothing I have done will remove His blessing from me. (5) My times that I feel like I am failing is when I try to do things alone and apart from God. Find Him and I can not fail. (6) God's love and response is unconditional. Need proof, look at the story of the prodigal son. Look at the sacrifice Jesus made for me.
When I started writing this, I thought it would be an encouraging uplifting note for the singles on Valentines day. But what I came to realize is that it is during days like today that we are attacked by the enemy in terms of our value and worth. But you are worthy, you are loved. You have a great Counselor, Listener, Redeemer and Friend in God. You are never alone.