Today I was emptying out my email folder (a tedious task) and ran across this email from my mother in 2004 (yeah I know, I am waaaay behind). She sent the original list and, having a terrible time with my computer during this period, sent the cynical italicized responses. I think it is good for a Monday morning chuckle.
If Only Life Could Be Like A Computer...
If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!
Unless you have my computer in which case the computer has frozen everything leaving me stuck in the same awful situation in life until somebody had the mercy to unplug me.
To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.
My computer seems to run forever with out finding the file, which would mean that my poor little legs would just fall off until my computer froze resulting in my impending heart attack.
Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.
Since there is no "any key" on my keyboard, my life would never get back on track and I would end up a piece of crap on the side walk like my computer is about to become if it doesn't start working
To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
Ok you got me I can't think of anything witty for this one...more sound is very good!!
To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
In my case I would be removing the things I don't want, yet they seem to still leave traces of themselves eating up hard drive space. And forget adding anything! That is how my hard drive got screwed up in the first place
To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.
So I can become Black or glow white? What kind of benefit package is that?
If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
No. Sound is good. But I may one day be able to turn off my hearing aide when I want to tune out my mom
When you loose your car keys, click on find.
And by typing in "keys" it would give me some directory that would lead me to the keys I thought I got rid of when I removed my first car and give me nothing for the one I actually tried adding.
"Help" with the chores is just a click away.
See...this relates because my computer is about as slow as the police and ambulance that I would require if I ever needed help.
Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash. (note: diskettes were these small square plastic thing that held minimal information so you take a file off one computer and put it on another. Same intention as a jump drive.)
Except that I lose those little black things, meaning I would still be screwed just like the auto insurance company does and I would be paying for it later
And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to YOU...
Except when you get a failure notice because you typed in the email address wrong in which case your pizza would get delivered to Botswana.